visions

I know that I've always wanted to see you grow in Christ, into the beautiful person that He wants you to be. I thought that God wanted us to do that together.

I don't want to make you cry anymore

From how much I have been leaning into the Lord lately, I'm learning more and more how to crucify my old self, that person who simply does not have the ability to lead myself closer to God very well, not to mention someone I love so deeply. I'm learning how to find a new name, a new name that God has for me, a new man that really lives for Him.

Perhaps God is telling me that you need someone better to lead you closer to Christ, someone to love you, someone for you to love.

My heart was so broken when I realize I can't be on that journey, that I can't see that beautiful, beautiful person you will become, that I can't walk with you. But God wants me to focus not on myself, but on you. And...I realize that I simply need to keep trusting in God that He will shape you into who you need to be.

Lord, I know You are faithful, and You are always for us. I am deeply, deeply saddened that I cannot be there for her to support her with my love, but....I know You will. I know someone will. Please help my heart accept that, Lord. Please show me that my love did matter, at least a little. Please show me that my love still matters. I can feel my heart afraid to love again, Lord. I pray that You can remove that fear from my heart, a heart that wants anything from this world, so that I will only want what is truly constant, Lord. Resurrect me into a new man, Lord, so I'll put down the old fire and pick up the fire for You.

I may not see how God will work through you, but I know He will, and I'm so very thankful.

Thank you, Father. Thank you.