last prayer

Forgive me, I'm still struggling to forgive myself...but I'll try to have this as the last time I apologize. God help me. 

I'm sorry I suffocated you by asking you for all of your time. 

I'm sorry I was hurt when you wanted to spend time to do your own thing. No, it was not okay, in any way. 

I'm sorry that you tried to tell me and I was still focused on myself that I couldn't see it. No, it was not okay either. Please don't tell me that I couldn't have done anything else to change it, because I could have. 

I'm sorry that I asked you more than I gave. 

And....the worst thing....I'm sorry that I made you feel guilty whenever you want to spend time for yourself. 

I'm trying to forgive myself. I loved you so much, and I couldn't believe that I didn't see what I was doing. I didn't make you feel loved. It wasn't your fault, because no one could have given me what I was asking from you. It was unfair to everyone. I'm gonna change, I promise, because this is not healthy of me. 

I'm sorry, Grace. 

I feel like we...ended it on a bad term. I would reach out to you because I still care, but it's my fault, and I'm sorry, so I'll not ask anything of you anymore. I'll be a friend if you reach out. 

God, I thank you for bringing Grace into my life. Thank you for showing me how love is supposed to feel like. I'm sorry that it....wasn't the love I gave her. Oh Father, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry I hurt the best blessing You brought into my life. I'm sorry I did not know how to treasure her. I'm struggling to forgive myself. Please can give me the capacity to forgive myself. I pray that You can heal her heart for having tried to give me what she couldn't for so long. Father.... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry she had to go through that. I don't feel like I deserve anyone's time or love right now. Please heal my heart for hurting and losing someone I loved so much because I was selfish and I couldn't see it. I don't want to take anymore, God, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want this selfish heart. I don't want a hear that hurts. I want a heart that fills others with your love. 

Thank you for beginning to show me how to accept love from you so I can love without asking anything back. I want to be able to receive the never-ending, truly unconditional love from You so I can also love unconditionally, only because I have Your love. 

Father, I'm sorry. Thank you for being so good to me despite of who I was and what I did. I pray that You can heal her heart. Please, Father, please heal her heart.

I pray that You can release us from all the pain and hurt, Father. Release us for all of the things that are holding us back to really grow and be like You. 

Lastly....I pray that You can give me the privilege to love again, with the right heart, when the time is right. 

In the meantime, I pray that You will keep me in Your arms and never let me go, Father. Continue to mold me, Father. Holy Spirit, please come into my heart so You can speak to me and tell me what I need to do and what I shouldn't do. 

If You are willing to grant me the friendship, I'll praise You. If not, I'll praise You. 

I love you Father. Thank you for my pain, Father. I praise You for everything You have done. 

I pray in Your Name, 

Amen