all nighters

....LAN parties, and 6am breakfasts. Haven't done this in a while x) Kinda not healthy, but that's why the rarity. I also realized two things. 
One: still haven't finalized my build for Wukong. 
Two: All-nighters make you feel like you're floating in water. 


All and all, the party was fun. LoL, watched My Little Ponies for an hour (honestly don't know why but it was great), some Terreria, some played Pandemic, and then we went for breakfast at Franny's around 6am. 


Parents were a bit hesitant since I didn't tell them that it was an all-nighter, but then again, if only I knew also...


And my dad wasn't feeling well so my mom brought him to the hospital for tests. He's gonna stay overnight for observation. He should be fine. He exaggerates a lot, but just in case, ya know. He's just too tired and stressed. 


Pushing back my Boston plan till Saturday. Oh well. 


--


On another note, I got another pen pal! And another follower! *happyface* 


I think I'm gonna make a Yellowcard image for tumblr or something. Probably will do that tmw. 


A little Skyrim and calling it a night. Oyasumi. 


-l.h- 

just like old times

There's a LAN party tonight, planned around 7pm at a friend's house till whenever, a potential sleep over also. I probably won't sleep over, but a good-old LAN party is probably overdue by now x) 


On another note, I went to this Korean restaurant in Boston the other day, and while it was the first time I tried Korean food, and I gotta say, it was amazing. Here's the place: 


http://www.koreangardenboston.com/

It might have been expensive ($30 for me...) probably because I was with my cousin. And friends. I kinda ordered two meals, hence the 30. Other than that I think it's not that expensive and pretty much in price range. 


With that note, I might go there again with some of my other friends. :) 


Oh, and I wonder how long it takes for le love to update.... x) 

perspective

I said it's okay to not know what you want, as long as you know what you don't want. Because you know, she had just broken up with me, and I wasn't sure what it was between us. I didn't know much then, like why she lied to me, or why she rubbed everything in my face. 


But what I did know what I didn't want to lose you, because then you're the one person who was there for me. You were struggling with your breakup about a year ago too, and that's why I said that to you, so that you know what you don't want. 


I was wrong.


So what was it that you didn't want? I've told you my side of the story, but you told me part of yours, but not what you didn't want. Maybe if we weren't writing to each other, maybe if you didn't say those words, I wouldn't have let myself free and give all of my heart to you. Yes, I was still broken then. Yes, your heart wasn't healed yet either. But somehow we found each other and we healed each other. I know we weren't actually together, but we were close, the closest probably I've ever been with anyone. I didn't want you to be a rebound, but it was all too late when you got all of my heart, with your letter. I loved you with all that was left of me, if any. 


Spring break could have been the best break. But, you didn't know what you wanted. 


And you left. You left for someone out of the blue. Just like that, he had you. You know, it feels like 500 Days of Summer. 

"I woke up one morning and just knew"
"Knew what?"
"What I was never sure of with you." 

Just like that, you're gone. Your letters, your words, your breathe, meant nothing. I thought we healed each other, and that it meant something, that we meant something, but no, you used me to heal yourself, and now that you're healed and ready to move on, I'm simply cast aside, everything lost again. 


You said you didn't want to lose me either. What happen, C, what happened? 


It was a right choice, you know, when I decided to not go to that Christmas party. From what I heard, it consisted of you making out with him all party. It's almost a year, and I don't want you rubbing that in my face again. Yes, I've lost a best friend, to whom I told everything, shared everything. who gave the best hugs. I've lost faith, because just when I thought we shared something, you were just using me. 


Your letters, gifts, all of you, I tried to keep them locked away in a box. I tried to move on, but now I'm afraid to love again. You see-you know this best-when I give my heart out, I give it all out, just like how you had it. 


Maybe I just need a hug. I don't need...all this relationship thing. It was because I didn't know what I wanted. 


Now I do. 


If only a hug doesn't remind me of you...




-----


Going to submit this to le love. Hope everyone's having a good day. 

we had the right love at the wrong time

I've thought about it, and I've decided to write a le love article and submit it. More to come. 


-l.h- 


Edit* It ended up being this.

Merry Christmas!

Kinda late, but Merry Christmas guys :) I hope everyone had a lovely and company-filled holiday with delicious food and fun times.

blu rays, why you so confusing

I have been wrestling with this blu ray and mkv conversion deal for almost 10 hours now and I still can't get Limitless to play on the tv. Ahhhhhhh damnit. 


I wish I have blank BD's. 

fear

I know why I feel lonely now. Because I am afraid.
I'm afraid falling in love again.
I'm afraid of being in a relationship. I'm afraid of being the one who loves more.
I'm afraid not of rejection but fakeness.
I'm afraid of loving too much.
But it's always happening. It still is.
I'm afraid I have distant myself too far now. Going back is going to be difficult, because I do not know how.
Will there be someone who can lead me back?
It's gonna be a long night.

16 and dropping

I think it is worthy to note that after I came home from college the weather suddenly dropped 20 degrees. I actually brought my scarf over to college and back, never used it, and I took it out just yesterday for the 16-degree weather. Interesting, eh? 


Finally got a haircut today, my hair is unbelievably bushy. =.=|


Another note, this facebook timeline thing is kinda ridiculous. Facebook is so constantly challenging people's visual analytic skills, now with that timeline thing right in the middle of the page. And they still need to fix the chat box. 


Speaking of that, Google+ is still kinda in the dark corner...oh well. 


There is apparently this promotion thing for tumblr. I'm still confused. Haha. 


Got back to LoL...so rusty....

if it fails, it's not love

Not sure how to respond to that. 


Today was a busy day, especially going to B&N and getting mcat books, book for my penpal (happyfacehappyface), and a book for myself. Would've gotten more but I need suggestions xD 


You...wanted to hang out. Do you know how unexpected it was? It was so that it became somewhat reassuring and pleasant. I do miss you. 


Maybe this is just who I am. I am the second choice, if not a later pick. I have been, still am, and will be. I just need to accept that.  

Like a Saturday night I'll be gone.

two down, three down, all done, now back home x)

So I was gonna blog before I head home, but I was busy, so yea. 


Anyways, I did well on my orgo final, should be A-well enough on classics to get an A-, oh well. 
Ecology went alright, I suppose. Anthro was very short and easy. 


After a two hour drive, here I am, home. 


Also got an email that said I got kicked off of BioChem Lab 276 because random juniors have to take it so sophomores lost priority. I'm really mad >:( 

a bit cloudy

It's been a while since we talked, isn't it. I texted you a few weeks ago, and I got back a three word text and it stopped there. Just like that. Actually, it might have been just like a word. We don't talk anymore really. It makes me sad. 


Same with her too. She only talks to me when she's lonely, pretty much. It annoys me. What kind of friend does that make me? 


It's a bit cloudier tonight; the moon's blurred like my foggy window. It's getting cold. 


It'd be one year tomorrow. But Tim, it didn't mean a thing. She dumped you like trash. It wasn't anything. Not a problem, you're over that. 


Yea. I guess so. 


What if it snows tomorrow? 

three hours left for the day....

...and lots of myth notes to go over. If I didn't have the exam at 8am in the morning tomorrow....


There are some stuff worth mentioning on the orgo exam.
So we took it in a decently-sized gym. I sat in the front with a few friends, ready to take down this ultra-stressful test. Exam started at 1:30pm, and 10 mins into the exam, someone in the far back of the gym apparently kicked a desk beside him and flipped his chair and busted out the backdoor. I wasn't exactly sure what happened at the time, but it was confirmed for me afterwards.


Then about 3 mins afterwards, someone in the front rows towards the left of the gym apparently threw up and ran out the door. 


Typical organic chem exam. Just like that first exam when a girl cried half way through the exam...none of the TA's knew how to handle that exactly. Poor girl :( 


But then there's this girl who has an almost perfect score in his class. I'm kinda annoyed. I bet she took it before, just like a friend of mine who's doing really well also. Damn those people x.x 


Anyways, I need to head off around midnight so I can get up. Mythology for the rest of the night, and if lucky I can start some eco. 


Good luck to everyone else who's studying x) 


-l.h-

finals week: one down, three to go

So for the past 3 months, I've studied orgo so much that I've dreamed about orgo countless times. Honestly it's such a tough subject, and I hope that all those hours of studying and watching lectures and doing countless of problems have paid off with that final I just took. 


One down, three to go. 


And now you know why I haven't been blogging. 


Now I should be a bit less stressed now that Organic is out of the way. I think I did fine on it. Not going to jinx it, really, 'cause I do that too often, but in any case, the rest of my finals should be less stressful (as ecology is just brutally annoying). 


I hope everyone else is also doing fine, if not better than I am. x) 


Maybe more later today. Maybe I want to take a nap, maybe not. Maybe I need to start studying. We'll see. 

tumblr

Yea. So I got a tumblr.

http://salaheonerezza.tumblr.com/

Ehhhhhhhhhhhh.

songs and people

Like I said before, I will now make a list of songs and people: songs that remind me of whoever. Memories or not, here goes:

Ariel - View From Heaven, Amelie, One Year Six Months, practically any piano piece x)
TeCh - Rough Draft, Sadness and Sorrow, For You and Your Denial
Ethan - Wedding Dress, River Flows in You, The Scientist, All You Wanted
Eli - You, Hang You Up
LS - Haru Haru
Steele - Gravity (Bareilles)
Commercial - Pieces, She Says, Keep Holding On, Just a Dream, Defying Gravity, Jar of Hearts
E - Rough Draft, Souvenir de Porto Rico, Lord of the Dance, Take Me as I am
Yuki - I Will Follow You Into the Dark
Mikers - River Flows in You, Hey Soul Sister
Jackehh -Trololo (yea....), Light Up the World

This might be for now...may update later...

"something in the way"

Haven't had a movie night in a while. Decided to take a day off from work, before actual dedication to studying for the rest of the week, and have a chill night. I just hung out with Alex and Mrs. Bus Driver :D I realized I haven't hung out with them in a while, and it reminds me how fun it is to do so. 

We watched The Change-Up. It's more or less a remake of Freaky Friday, with a similar theme also. I've seen it already but I watched it again because it's a decent movie, along with their request. It worked out because we had a good time. 

It never occurred to me before--when I first watched the movie, that is--but now that I just watched it again, it made me realize something. I realized that in the future, sometime in the future, that I want kids. I know it's too early to say, but the scenes of Dave interacting with his kids, daughter, all of it--picking up his daughter, hearing how was her day at school, having dinner with the family, putting the babies to sleep, just everything--I want to experience that. I want to know how it feels and what it means to love unconditionally, to have a loving family and keeping that. I think despite all the difficulties, I think being able to experience that unconditional love will be absolutely, out-of-the-question worthy. 

Also, near the end, Mitch's words left a pretty deep impression in my bubble of thoughts. 

I think we all know that life doesn't always turn out exactly how you plan it. Sometimes, just sometimes, it turns out better

Maybe, you know, that life is bad because we want it to be. Maybe sometimes, we don't want to admit that our lives are good because it could be better. And hey, anything in life can always get better. Why do I always belittle the good things in my life and focus on the bad things anyways? I think it's because for those who've been through stuff, things get harder, and you're constantly trying to find ways to make your life better because you've been down the other road and, even though it was a priceless lesson, you don't want to wander down that road again. 

And you know, the paradox is the harder you find, the less likely you'll find. So it's better to settle, to stand still and see where I am, evaluate, process, analyze what I have and don't have, and what should be a goal and what shouldn't. 

Honestly, this reminds me of sometimes, I honestly think I am the most boring person in the world. Maybe it's from how people react around me, I don't know, and don't ask me how I came up with that thought, but honestly, sometimes I think I'm just boring, and I wouldn't hang out with myself either. 

What do you do with that feeling, now? Actually, now I think of it, it's probably because I was once used for-what seemingly felt like-selfish reasons. Oh hey look I'm just merrily answering my own silly existential questions. No big deal. 

I'm tired. I have no further words. 

I'm gonna make my list now. 

forgetting

http://leloveimage.blogspot.com/2011/12/i-am-not-sure-what-love-is.html

ohill

It's raining and feels pretty good out. It's surprisingly beautiful up on Ohill, actually. Hmmmm. 


I wonder how is A doing :') 


P.S. I remember that I was thinking about creating a list of people with songs that remind me of the person. I shall do a post-soon-to-come. Just a heads up I guess :) 

something I came across

I was just about to head off when I came across this. I hope it's fine linking your page, Katie, I just wish that I have a sister like that. I believe that Chase is very loved up there. 


Be strong ^^

that box that's sealed away

You know, re-surfing my imgfave account makes me want to re-fave so many of those images. Because one way or another, they've described much of my life than many people I know can or relate to. Yes, it's back to that feeling of able to relate to something, just something, someone. That's another reason why we want to know people, right? Because We want to learn, feel others' emotions, know the possibilities, the stories.

That goes along with what my post two posts ago was talking about.

Yea, pen pals. I've lost all my pen pals too. One just...didn't bother to write anymore. Still good friends with another, but we just don't write anymore (shrugs to that). Another one...I really "lost." I never left, you just didn't need me anymore.

I kinda have a regret, and that is not bringing enough books to college with me. There are a few that I want to read again. I haven't even finished Everything's Illuminated yet. And I want to read 13 Reasons Why again. And I want to read Tree of Codes also. I miss the stories that I was so in love with. I miss indulging myself in those worlds and feel for the characters, for the troubled, for hurt.


I sealed that box away. There might not be that many letters in there, but do you know the love that was put into that box? Do you know how much love I put into that box? Do you know how much love you put into that box? I think we all know that if I light up the box, the letters altogether, it'll help my house burn, just like how the other letters burnt down Thomas's house.

Maybe I'll burn it one day. But maybe I need some new pen pals too. It was my fault to let it get to me last time, and I'll try to not let it happen again, even though now I think I can look at you and not feel so hurt by you.

If you have a close friend, someone who's stuck with you throughout your whole life, or at least most of it, who not only knows your stories but was there and lived it, who talks to you not out of obligation but because he/she wants to...or many you have more than one...either case, treasure them always and take the time to show them how great of a friend they are.

I still have a "pen pal"...and she speaks Greek and is totally awesome.

Well, it's not like many people read this blog anyways, I don't think. But counting on the tiniest luck that I might have, it would be great if some of you want to be my pen pal also. x) Comment or something? Haha.

Gonna go back to work now....

Fin lein los kruziik, hon fin norok zaan, zeymah. Mu draal wah zindro fin kein

The title means "The world is ancient, hear the fiercest shout, brothers. We pray to triumph the combat." It's in dragon language, by the way.


Yea, this blog will be for some college rants. Mostly organic chemistry.


Okay, so my professor is honestly not a bad teacher. In fact, personally, I think he is a great teacher, at least better than the other one who honestly got me a few wrong answers on the test because he simply did not explain the material as well as McDaniel did. But something is simply not translating well enough from his lectures to our grades. Like I get the stuff, but I have slowly done progressively worst for the four exams, and honestly it is really demoralizing.


Especially the hydrogenation of alkynes with NaNH2. I was pretty sure he told us that it was only partly due to the different in pKa and that it has to be NaNH2 if it involves hydrogenation. And there it was the question with an alkyne with a hydroxyl end. I suppose I shouldn't have listened to him and actually considered the electronegativities of both carbon and oxygen instead. Hixson, you screwed me over big time. Also the MC's are such a pain. I think in conclusion, he either needs longer tests and spread out his points, and/or make his tests entirely open response. It's not that big of a hassle if he's already grading 70% of his exams by hand anyways.


But then again, I honestly think that McDaniel could have stressed the importance of the geometry of a sp2 carbon in terms of a carbocation, and the fact that it has to flatten out.

Also, he has no mercy in his explanation portion of the test. He doesn't count efforts into account, and if you don't mention the keyword--even if you wrote almost a paragraph--you will get 10 points off, just like that. I really think that's outrageously brutal. He also uploaded the grades of both of his classes (without names, of course), and less than 10% of the 300 people have an A- or above, and about 60% have a C- or below. He will have to scale this, or an academic probation awaits him, no doubt.


I find the fact that I have a B+ right now slightly surprising; I thought I had a B-. o.o Not complaining, really. But that also mean I need at least a 87 on the final (out of 200 points) to keep this grade. It also means that I need almost a perfect score to get an A- or possibly an A too. He also needs (well...he claims...) the class average to be around a 75 ish, so I guess he has to scale it, because more than half of the class is either failing or has a low enough score to not go on to organic chem 2. Scale, I'm counting on you...Q.Q


And it's not like this is my only subject too. I'm not that worried about physics or anthropology. I'm a bit concerned about mythology, but it's mostly organic chemistry, and some ecology, that I'm worried about because they are the two that I need A's on my finals to get A's in each. This translates to 30+ hours for organic and roughly 10+ for ecology. Yes, one test. Organic is acceptable, but ecology? Worst decision of my life. I don't give a shit about this class, I don't even know why I took it in the first place. I better get an A in it or else, really, I'm gonna be so incredibly sad.


Time turner, where are thou....


This shall mark a break in my rant. I can still get back to an A in organic so I'm not all that pissed off. But honestly, I think he should take a look at our evaluations. At the same then, though, I wish other people did not just completely shit on him because he's not a bad teacher; he just needs to adjust his tests a bit so it's more flexible.


That is all. Gonna do another post, then physics lab for the night, maybe some ecology reading, then heading off.


-l.h-

photographers and glistering beauty

For many of you guys who look through other blogs and skim through the pages and feeling in words, have you ever realized that photographers have a different tone to everything? People that also use images and depictions to share their feelings know how to do so much more effectively than others that simply use words. Furthermore, their words also create this elegance that flows with the image and mood, sometimes alright, but other times so well. You know, it all makes sense. That's why honestly, I'd love to meet more photographers or people who simply love to see things in different perspectives. 


Going along with that, I want a camera. x.x 

Also, I realize that it's been more than obvious (to me at least) that girl's hair is absolutely attractive xD I don't know, whenever I see a girl with like a hair style of whatever-sometimes even without any intended styling-I still end up in awe and speechless inside. 


Let me tell you. It's kinda bad. :( Maybe it's just what you said, L, that I fall a little for every girl...yea they're just the most beauty people ever, can't help it sorry. 


Make me wanna hug everyone zz


And you know, they are good memories. Maybe it was because I was hoping for something solid, you know. I guess I didn't even realize that I was looking for that, and I don't know if I'm ready for that, honestly to say. I that was why when you broke up with me, it wasn't as bad as my rebound. Honestly, I should have known that those were all tease, just good for the moment, and for entertainment purposes. Yes, maybe it was for you and it was such all along, but I'm begin to accept that for myself also. 


And as a result, I have unblocked some people's posts on my newsfeed (oh yea, those include people who are only in my life when I talk to them). I think I can handle those now.


@Alice: Yes, that short short, history, whatever. At the time, I honestly thought it was about me, because the setting was fairly accurate. I was over at a friend's house, and we're both there. Back then, when I first read it, I didn't know what to feel. Now looking back on the story, on those feelings that she might have, it doesn't feel as bad anymore. 


It's just a story. 


I should be watching my chem lecture, though. More later today. Hope everyone's having a good day :) 


-l.h- 

hug

This reminds me of how a friend of mine was saying I should get a tumblr or twitter or something. Ha...idk. 

the past

Alice, not sure if you've read this but, here goes:

it had only been 2 months. two months of ups and downs, two months of wondering if she’d ever see him again. two months of worrying about him, and hating herself for it. two months of missing his touch.

 it was a fluke of a day, really, wasnt it? had the two of them already started going out? LA…it had always been a great joke, the perfect play on their names. looking back, she couldnt remember. the lines were always blurred. they had both talked to her separately, and she had always known that something would happen eventually. she could see it from miles away; there had always been something between them. or at least, from him to her. it made her smile, but it hurt. to see them so close. to see what she had missed. what she was missing. 

already, two new friends in those two months. and already, one of them was with someone else. 

it really was a fluke of a day. she didnt really feel like seeing anyone. but, she dragged herself out of bed, just like every other day. she knew that if she didnt, even just one day, it would be the end of her. she had to keep going. 

when was it that she first realized? was it that day? it was just another movie night. just a day, just an ordinary day. how many movies had they watched so far? it was always the same story, some horror, and some variation on the guest list. just whoever could come that night. that night, it seemed like everyone. was it the first time he had come? or was it just the first time she had noticed? 

 it was something different about that night. what movie had they even been watching? she couldnt remember. all she could feel was the closeness between them. she sat on the table on the corner; everyone else was on the couch. she didnt like it there, not with any possiblity of sitting next to… 

and then he came up the stairs at sat in front of her. she didnt really even notice until she had to shift a little to the right, to see the tv. he turned around and asked if she could see. her heart caught in her throat, and she nodded yes. as he turned back around, she became very aware of how close he was sitting to her left foot. 

 is this what moving on is? she thought. 

very suddenly, she wasnt paying attention to the tv. the dialogue became a babble in the background, and the moving pictures blurred before her eyes. she felt the very overwhelming urge to hold him from behind. just like…before. she was shocked at how much she almost had to fight herself; so much so, she couldnt be sure whether she was or wasnt fidgeting. would he notice? 

she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him, resting her chin on his shoulder. he started, but he smiled, and stroked her hair. she couldnt see his face, but she knew he was smiling. no, she didnt. she knew that he was leaning forward, watching the movie. instead, she leaned back into the corner, catching her head on the low ceiling. 

she closed her eyes, and crossed her arms over her chest in an attempt to conceal the loneliness in her heart. there she sat, her mind and body fighting between what she wanted to do and what she couldnt do. she drew her eyes back to the screen, willing herself out of her thoughts. why did it feel so right? and why did that scare her so much? 

it was true. the sound of her loneliness, like a heartbeat, drove her mad… in the stillness of remembering what she had. and what she lost. 

was it real? or was it merely a dream for sale?

december, 40 degrees with a chance of confusion

So I was going to blog on the first also, but then it was orgo all day. So much acidity, basicity, nucleophilicity, leaving group ability, Sn1, Sn2, and like a zilean processes and mechanisms...all day ever'day until last night. Studies about 15 hours for the past two days, and I think I did alright on the exam last night. 


So the first day of December. Physics lab was to mess around with liquid nitrogen, absolutely fun. We cruised through that lab under an hour, measuring latent heat with timers and balances and frozen pencils and erasers. Went to dinner right after and then straight orgo studying with a few peeps. 


It was roughly the same for Friday, except there was a discussion in the morning and then a costume contest in my classics class also. What totally surprised me was how my anthropology professor was actually at the discussion. I didn't even notice her until she started speaking/giving opinion while we were discussing the topics. I don't know, just very uncalled for, really x) And the costume contest went decently well, those who participated got extra credit points, I believe. There was also this really cute girl who was Demeter...okk w/e. 


Anyways, I didn't sleep well Thursday night so took a nap Friday before dinner and exam, and ended up "ditching" people who wanted to squeeze in a last-minute study in the lounge. I was like yea I can't function without nap right now, and I kinda went an hour after, and there was only one person there anyways. Lazy people, I tell you. 


You know, aside from the keyboard, I think I want a book for Christmas. 


Get ready for lunch then lab. Pce. 

about me

Yea, again bad hour but my brain is good at thinking at such hours. But I decided to make a new about me section. Here goes. 

--

“I like to see people reunited, I like to see people run to each other, I like the kissing and the crying, the stories that the mouth can’t tell fast enough, the ears that aren’t big enough, the eyes that can’t take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together and the end of missing someone” (Foer = fav author) 

This is a typical full-time college sophomore working part time.

I absolutely love Yellowcard, just up front.

I blog to vent and to share my thoughts. I believe that people who blog are brilliant, passionate, and deep thinkers, and I absolutely love that and would love to read everyone's blog :) 


Actually, how it started was I began a blog a very very long time ago. I dropped it for about two years, and then picked it back up a year ago, when a friend of mine brought up the topic. We got closer with the blogs. We walked the tracks together for a while, and then she got on a train with a flick of a finger, blink of an eye. Blog went from being sharing to venting, to depressing keys and minor tones. Honestly, if you decide to visit that old blog, it is so dark there, for three or four months straight. 


Yea yea I know I feel too much. It's part of being human. 

In any case, I have recently switched to blogger just to try it out. So far I'm liking it more than wordpress. Not sure if I want to import my old blog here (can I even do that?) But either case, here's my old blog for anyone interested: http://salaheonerezza.wordpress.com/

I surf imgfave like a religion and listen to 8tracks like it's my itunes. 

I sing almost every time I walk alone. I play air piano. I air-strum.

I can click really loud with my tongue.

House, Naruto, FMA, Bleach, Fairy Tail, Reborn, and other awesome mangas.

Oh, and I have a so-called "Asian-fro" (my hair is poofy)

I love hugs, too. It's been too long since I actually hugged. Maybe that's why I haven't been able to get a hundred percent better. *shrug*