heavy rain with a chance of freedom

On this last week before spring break, two exams stand between me and freedom. One's tomorrow, psych, and biochem is on Wed. Psych is just memorization and judging from the practice exam, I'll be fine. Biochem, on the other hand, needs a lot more studying -___-

Also, I've been getting a few new followers on tumblr. Honestly this is like the best thing ever. I'm so excited for my new followers and if one of you is reading this, you are awesome! :D

Housing next year is more or less solid. Got four roommates, got our appointments requested, and we're just waiting for roommate-formation date. There's also a chance that we'll chip in (or someone will just get the money) for a hedgehog. Yea it's not allowed in the apartment, but I'll sneak him in if I can :3 I'm sorry I just want a pet of some sorts. I want pets, damnit!

I was finally able to write back to a pen pal about two days ago, but I still have to run to the post office to mail it. That means it'll have to be on Thurs instead, if I have time. If not, I'll have to mail it after I go home. Ughhh, I feel terrible for the late reply. :(

When I get back, I'm definitely bringing up my guitar. Oh gawd do I regret not bringing it up this semester >.> Can't believe I thought I would be ok with it q.q

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I'm pretty sure you know, that I always want to talk to you. But you see, I know that you're very busy. Or, rather, you want to be busy, in a way. Yea, I know you pretty well, and even so I still use my "standards" to analyze your response, or lack of. I'm not sure why I still do that because that just doesn't work and it only makes me sad.

I know you cannot possibly wait for spring break, because this one in particular is a dream come true. I'm so happy and excited for you, and I wish you the bestest break ever. And I guess what I'm saying is that I just hope you didn't unfollow me on purpose and that you didn't reply to my texts because you feel obligated to do so. I haven't seen you in a while, and all I wanted to do was to say hi and see how you're doing, and to wish you a good week and to get enough rest so I can always see that stunning smile of yours.

Yea, I do miss you, but that's normal, heh I bet you know that anyway. I won't really do anything to show that I used to wish that you miss me too, but I don't anymore. Yea, whenever I get a text I still hope it's you, but I know 99% of the time it won't be. I know it'll take me a little longer to no longer wish that anymore, but I'll get there.

I guess that's enough on this topic. Maybe the next time I see you, if the time works out, I'll hug the crap outta you :3

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Apparently it's gonna pour tomorrow, around noon ish, for about 5 hours. Oh man I've been waiting for the rain for like weeks. If it's still there after my work shift, and if I have time, I'll go feel the rain.

Alright it's almost 12:30, I think I'll watch a little of Up and then shower then bed. Exam at 9:30 in the morning!

Oyasumi, readers.

the reason behind reason

This post will be mostly second person, to my friend, D. 

I read your message/letter about five hours ago, I think about the time you wrote me because my phone got the message so it rang and buzzed. I thought it was just a Facebook notification, which I normally just ignore/check later. For some reason I decided to check, and it turned out to be your message. 

Five hours ago was about 9pm ish. I was on my way to a friend's LAN party. I had a good time, if you're wondering. It is 2:00 AM now, and although I'm pretty tired, I feel I should still write you something, or else it doesn't feel right (and I'd feel like a terrible friend). I'll try to keep it short and continue anything else tomorrow x)

First of all, don't worry about the letters, I'll send you my address for the next semester the moment I go back to school. Actually, thanks for holding them off :) 

I'm sorry to hear about all the stress that's looming over your life right now. I agree, changes are scary. I might as well be in your shoe when I was starting college, but I think all the moving and people changing got me used to the idea of "changes" and, you know, I guess anything else just became buffered and damped; that I'm not all that afraid of changes anymore because there's always change and there's nothing I can do about it. 

I think what you gotta do is to figure out what you want. You said your friend is afraid of leaving everything behind. Does she want to? If not, she can definitely leave ways to keep in touch with people whom she wants to keep in her life. 

Growing apart is perhaps one of my worst fears; to grow apart from someone you used to know (ok, not intended), love, and cherish, only to realize that all of a sudden they're strangers to you, that somehow you don't share something anymore. Then you began to wonder whether it was you who changed, or was it them? Yea, you can keep in touch with them, but proximity doesn't prevent two people from growing apart either. It might be harder for two people who still see and hang out with each other to grow apart than two with distance, but the opposite is just as common. I don't think there's a way to prevent growing apart. Everything (and I mean everything) tests your friendship with someone, whether the two will stay and push it through the rough spots or somehow shatter into hatred or indifference. If your friendship is strong, then there's little to worry about. I mean, who knows? Things can also unexpectedly strengthen or even create a (stronger) bond that you thought you never had (I'll always be grateful...for the people I met, and the bonds that I've strengthened, somehow) 

I guess you got a lonely house near the beach...well, it won't be much longer. Plus, solitude gives you time and peace to yourself for thoughts. It's usually healthy. Think positive :) I don't know, but personally I think I unconsciously place people and friends' decisions off into the...abyss, if you will. What I mean by that is that I assume and normalize people's rejection. Yea I know it sounds kinda pessimistic, and maybe it is. But the thing is it makes every little positive gesture a pleasant surprise. 

I totally agree with you being excited of moving out and just have a life of your own (well, sort of). I guess I was lucky to have roomed with two good friends back in high school when I first moved out to college. In a sense, nothing had changed with them two as roommates. Change? I don't know if I had prevented some change then, nor was it intentional. Either case, I don't think it would have made much difference. I think my adaptability got trained a bit too well over the years...zzz I just...went with the flow when I couldn't do much. Don't worry too much; worrying never gets anywhere :) 

No I have not seen The Black Dahlia, nor read The End of Mr. Y. I can look up the movie and see if I can watch it sometime. 

Alright it's 2:40 AM and I should be heading off. Thanks for the message, I was starting to miss you :)

-l.h- 

P.S. If you can, sleep earlier, D. It's better for you :)

P.P.S. Ohohohoh, check out this :) *huggg*

summer days 2

Alright, let's try this again. 


Signing up for MCAT means that I've got a ton of stuff to study. I will probably also look for a part-time job but I don't know where to look since it's gotta be close to my house and all, and the closest one is BJ's haha. Well maybe I'll try there and see if I can find a decent job that isn't just straight up manual labor. 

I keep having minor headaches every morning for the past three days or so. I'm not sure why and it's really bothering me. Plus, I'm playing tennis later and it's not gonna end pretty if it keeps throbbing. =/ I mean the weather's great out so maybe it'll cease the moment I step out...meh. 


Hold on let me grab some food to munch.


Ok, got some fish and soy milk and bread. Yumm. 


Summer. The days without alarm clocks and calendar (actually that's a lie because I'd sleep in without an alarm lol); when you literally watch TV all day and it's fine. Of course you can do whatever you want unless you have a job, which sadly I don't :( But then also, in my case, I got stuff to do. I'm learning Rylynn on guitar (the song requires a partial capo and my capo is kinda up for the job...), a few other pieces of music on the piano, and lots of tennis and gym. And of course, MCAT as previously mentioned. 


Did I mentioned how the MCAT was $240? Why is it so damn expensive qq. 


By now, I believe that most of my old friends have come back from college already. I mean, a friend of mine just sent me a LAN party invitation this Friday. 


On another note, my parents want me to wake up like 7am every weekday to drive my brother to school. Uhhhhhhh no. I can drive him BACK, but I'm not gonna wake up that early. No way in hell. 


Mehh, I wanna go back to the commons in my old town and just sit under the tree and read or something. QQ. This town sucks there's nothing to do. Oh, speaking of that, I'll be moving back, actually :P Just don't know when or where (yea real plans..) But the plan is to definitely move back for my brother so he can be a junior at WHS. What a hassle to have moved away from WHS in the first place >.>


Well I gotta go do dishes and go research some medical schools and go get my brother and study and guitar and... lots of stuff. 


Oh yes, and the letters. They will be written today <3 


Later!

i need to stop blogging past midnight

That and stop blogging when I have a headache. Gosh, Tim. Why. 


Gonna make this short...sorry again. I just took my late pain killer pill and since I usually need two pills, this time will be weaker so heading off to sleep soon will help the pain killing. 


There are a lot of things I can talk about right now that I'm not gonna go into. Rather, what I really want to talk about are the letters I've gotten. And I've realized that we don't talk, and maybe I've made you feel like I haven't been talking a lot. If so I apologize. I think I now know how to solve that though, and I plan on finishing my letter tomorrow or the next after and send it by the end of the week. 


I just wanna let you know that what you wanna do with your letters to me - I'm totally fine with it; actually, it's an honor :) I could have said this in the letters I'm about to write but you know me - I can't help but just gotta say it first xP 


And also, need to apologize for being unable to write a letter for two months... Sorry D. I will get on it tomorrow! x.x 


OK need to head off now. G'night world, I will crash the server tomorrow with lots of typing and stuff :) 


Think of a good place and scene to fall asleep...

before you knew that I was here

Yea, sorry for the little hiatus too on the blog. 
Well a few things first. I haven't had much time to blog / do much other things other than studying these days (yeaaa sorry. Luckily it's the long weekend and I do not have any labs next week-even though I have a lab report due and two the next week...) Oh yea I have two exams next week also. I guess I can't relax too much this weekend either, can I...and oh yea there's genetics mapping stuff also. Great. So that's...let's see, orgo, molecular bio, genetics, physics, and biochem lab. Oh damn. 


So I got back into the card game Mao. It's honestly one of the most frustrating and confusing yet intense and hilarious card game I've ever played. Last time I played was last year back when I still had the quad. First time was absolutely terrible; I was terrible at the game and had clearly no clue what the hell was going on and had like 15 cards constantly. I think I gave up that game after like, 3 rounds lol. But now getting back into it, it's so much fun! 


Also, I got to learn how to play Spades (legitimately this time and not just random clicks on the computer like a few days ago haha) It's actually a very strategic game...wasn't expecting that but it's still fun though, from what I've picked up. 

A few more things before I head off (it's 3:30am...) I kinda realized that for a little bit, I think I was being slightly selfish when I constantly wish people, someone, would throw up the words "what's your story" in my face. I realized that yes, I want to listen to others' stories but there's no way of doing that with a good approach unless the topic comes up, and seriously speaking, it's rather a sensitive topic and not everyone is comfortable talking about it. This applies even more when someone you don't really know asks you about it, about your story. It depends on so many different things, your mood that day, what you ate, whether you're stressed or not, whether you like the person or not, etc. 


I'm saying that I found myself wanting people to tell me their story without me asking. That's such a selfish thought that now I think of it, it's just stupid and pathetic. =/ Like, if someone asks me about my story, it's very likely that I will spend time on that topic if they want to listen, but I just automatically assumed that everyone is like me on the matter. Plus, one flaw being that I don't even ask people about their stories (I guess partly because there haven't been good chances too?), this is totally contradicting. 


I miss my river spot :( 


Okay I don't even know where I'm going with that. I'm tired and need sleep. 


And I reallllllly need to get back on my penpal's letter. It takes like 3 weeks or something to get there =/ I know it's like half way across the globe but seriously, three weeks? It's like, you only talk twelve times each year. It sounds so sad :( It's sad because receiving a letter is this amazing feeling that I think everyone should experience. Not just an ordinary mail but rather a letter from a friend, handwritten and script-y and stuff. That feeling warms my heart. 


On another note, I ordered a new mouse :D It is the Cooler Masters Inferno Gaming Mouse. I was looking at mice and this was probably the cheapest one I could find that had side buttons and a decent-looking gaming mouse. It's a bit larger than what mine is but since mine's dying fast...I need a new one fast x.x I think it should arrive on Tuesday. I'm purrrrtty excited :D 


Well, it's 3:50, need to sleep now. G'night guys, the 0.00000000000001% of the people whom I think actually read my blog x) G'night to everyone else also. 

hell week followed by hell weekend

Honestly, today would have been a good day, like a solid, productive day where I feel confident about myself and how I did on the two exams today. Still, they're fine. Went to a friend's birthday party and had my first shot (whiskey apparently) . It was fine and all, totally had one and a half shot for the first-timer. I didn't feel anything either, so it was just meh. It was fun though, since they all made a fuzz about my first shot xD 


I don't plan on drinking a lot, ever. So no worries, people. 


And then I came back to find that I got a terrible grade on a portion of a biochem lab report that we as a group wrote during the hell week with three exams. This was just perfect, wasn't it. 


Maybe it was the party, I don't know, but something, combined with the bad news on that grade, I all of a sudden was in an extremely bad mood, a mix of upset and sentimental and want to just close myself off from the world. I then went on tumblr and just reposted everything I found that were relatable. All of a sudden, I was a mess. Yea, my roommate's with me, a few of my friends dropped by for a bit and such, and I was fine, but I wasn't. But again, it's what usually happens anyways 'cause I don't show it. No one understands so it's fine. 


Either case though, I need to mention that I finally got a letter from one of my penpals <3 


Anyways. I think I'm only able to stay up this late today because I took the 2 hours nap earlier. But now...after all that spam from tumblr and stuff, my mind and heart are numb and I want to rest. I should just head off. 


g'night, fellow internet people. 

headache once again

Aye..here's the headache in the morning again. I'm pretty sure my headache wasn't catching a breeze from the window at all last night. Maybe my arm was kinda not under the covers...idk, I have a headache again =/ Time to look for the tylenol my parents took from me...


And then again with the weird dreams! Omg, this time like it was that big monster cloud thing from Green Lantern that was destroying the world, and I like had a newborn baby to protect and I apparently got shot in the back, but it was hokay (lol). I like hid in buildings and places and such. I don't remember if I actually got rid of the monster but what I know is the dream was absolutely intense and that's probably why I woke up with a headache lol. Oh well, woke up a bit late anyways, so much for having slept really well the day before. 


Got like actual artsy paper from Michael's today. Gonna write back to my pen-pal now :D One last week till I go back to school! Can't wait. 


And Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close comes out in four days. I think I'll see who's around still and grab peeps to go see that, if they want :) So excited! 


Bought Trees of Codes and Walking Back to Happiness, so I have two books to start my semester. Good step for my "resolution," I think, haha. 

I get weird dreams

Yep. I totally do. Like the dream I had last night. From what I remembered, I was hugging someone in the dream, I forget who, and I could feel distinguished squeezes from that person very clearly. I could feel her periodic squeeze from the hug, and I think they semi woke me up because the next thing I knew was it was just my quilt. I tried to remember the squeezes and I could still feel the lingering sensation. Weird as hell. 


Oh well, that's for that. I'm still waiting for a few mangas to come out, sucks that JUMP took a week off. Should be out tmw. Oh, speaking of manga, I need to catch up on One Piece. :) 


Also, I got a mail from my new pen-pal! Along with the fact that it's also not from the US (but from UK!), I'm super excited to write more actual letters. Reminds me of how I found this image with a method to send letters for free (without a stamp, in the US that is) by switching the return address and the destination address. Haha, what ingenious idea. Best part is she's also a YELLOWCARD FAN YESSSSS. :D Hokay I'm done. 


That's it for now. Gonna start on that letter and then some LoL. Peace. 

all nighters

....LAN parties, and 6am breakfasts. Haven't done this in a while x) Kinda not healthy, but that's why the rarity. I also realized two things. 
One: still haven't finalized my build for Wukong. 
Two: All-nighters make you feel like you're floating in water. 


All and all, the party was fun. LoL, watched My Little Ponies for an hour (honestly don't know why but it was great), some Terreria, some played Pandemic, and then we went for breakfast at Franny's around 6am. 


Parents were a bit hesitant since I didn't tell them that it was an all-nighter, but then again, if only I knew also...


And my dad wasn't feeling well so my mom brought him to the hospital for tests. He's gonna stay overnight for observation. He should be fine. He exaggerates a lot, but just in case, ya know. He's just too tired and stressed. 


Pushing back my Boston plan till Saturday. Oh well. 


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On another note, I got another pen pal! And another follower! *happyface* 


I think I'm gonna make a Yellowcard image for tumblr or something. Probably will do that tmw. 


A little Skyrim and calling it a night. Oyasumi. 


-l.h-