a bit of fortune

How about a piece of good news to start off this post? I got a lab research internship position for this summer! I'm beyond excited about this. It's going to be a great experience, looks amazing on my resume, and it pays well also. The only slight downside is that I will be commuting-40 mins, to be exact-to and from work. I mean, I got the position, so I'm not complaining much!

Also, I have just learned that, since the research lab will be focused on MS and biomarkers, I talked to a chemistry adviser today and found out two professors who also have MS researches and would be extra interested in considering me for a lab research position if I do approach them on the topic next semester. Yet another amazing news! I will have to definitely follow up on them right when next semester starts. The good news was followed by an atrocious, yet standard and inevitable, amount of paperwork and legal forms. After a short period of stress and mental breakdown, I figured out what and how to fill out most forms and was able to send them in, on time I believe. 

Since I'm on the topic of chemistry, I guess I'll put some of that here as well. I was originally aiming to do a chemistry minor. However, with my current pace, if I am lucky I can graduate a semester early because I am fairly certain that I can finish all the required classes for both a BS in BMB and the minor in chemistry. I decided on adding chemistry as a second major about a week ago and I finally was able to set up an advising appointment today with a chem adviser. We talked about my options and it turns out I could get a BA in chemistry with about 4-5 more courses. With my given semester courses, this is totally doable. I mean, the two semesters will obviously be harder than just 3 classes / 0 classes (would now be 4-5 classes in the fall / 4 in the spring), but all I can think of is the fact that I'm lucky to be able to do a double major even when I only have one year to spare. I was only lucky because I wanted to do a chem minor a while back, and that most of the courses I took for the minor overlap with a chem BA degree. Lucky all week, man I gotta tell you.

It is 2:24 am. I was gonna go to sleep earlier but I decided to watch the last two episodes of Breaking Bad season 1. And I did. And that was one and a half hour of...time gone. Blahhh, actually that wasn't the best decision. I totally could have saved it and watched it tomorrow, but now I'm like sleeping late and my sleep schedule continues to be beyond unhealthy. I gotta start fixing this before summer rolls around or I will not survive the 40-hour work weeks -______- 

But yea, it is now 2:41 (I went back and wrote out the other two paragraphs after I finished the one before this, hehe) and I really think I should go to bed. These are most of things I wanna talk about this post anyway. If I come up with others I will do another post tomorrow. 

G'night readers! Happy Easter :) And sorry, no picture this post :( 

P.S. OH, I shall write about the Surface Pro I got over spring break :D

the blind me

I visited a...good friend at her college last year. I got out of school tad bit earlier than she would, we talked and the idea came up, so I decided to visit.

At the time, I just went with the fact that she was really busy during finals week, and I helped out with some of her art projects when she needed help...I know she'll be busy, and for some reason I didn't really think it'd be that much of a deal. I mean, I was fine with it because I haven't seen her in a while, and I wanna meet all these amazing people she said she's met. That was my only intention. I helped out as much as I could/was allowed.

In retrospect, I think aside from the fact that she was busy, I think she didn't really wanted me to visit. What I mean is, even though she brought it up, she didn't really wanted me to visit, and I think it had less to do with finals and more to do with me.

Yea and I obviously didn't realize that then. If I did, I wouldn't have gone, despite that I did want to see her.

Well, I hope everything turned out alright for her.

Welp. Rant over.

greatest gift

I was out with my mom all day, did a lot of shopping and suited up for life, more or less (got some shirts and ties and dress pants, yep). One the topics that came up in the car was my name, how on my birth certificate it says, "Timothy" instead of just "Tim." Well, honestly I never really liked the full name Timothy; I thought it's a bit too long and a mouthful, plus it's not as smooth and informal as just "Tim." In any case, though, it does mean "honoring God," so I guess I won't be really changing it. Worst comes to worst, I'll just make sure every piece of legal document has the right name, and just let people know that I'd preferred the nickname/short hand name.

Oh yea, started on a bucket list page. Go check it out!

I tumblr'ed on this amazing quote that I just got to share:

The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development.

I used to say, "If you will take care of me, I will take care of you."

Now I say, "I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me." 

-Jim Rohn 

There's the transition of loving others to loving yourself. As sad as it is, sometimes people don't love themselves as much as they should. This is acknowledging and a plead to do so, without saying that you need them, but you need them to be well, independent, and strong-willed. It's not the typical, "oh I love you so much I'll treat you so well," but it's asking the other person to grow with you, along side of you, as two different people.

This gift is the gift of experience, demonstration of maturity, and the understanding of life.

Doo da rite shingggggggggg

let it be

For the past few days, it's really just been me and myself. I saw a friend, but it wasn't like a huge reunion or anything. I mean, it was nice to see an old friend. What I'm saying, though, is that while I talked to a few people on break, it brought back some old feelings that I had forgotten.

One of them is the feeling of not looking. The actuality of not expecting to see anyone really. Furthermore, it's not trying to see people who will make you happy. I almost got to see a friend of mine, but she fell ill before her break ended so that didn't work out. This time, however, it was her who mentioned that we should hang out. It reminded me of high school when others asked me to hang out more than I asked them. Nowadays, it's usually me asking people if they wanna hang, and then they'll hang. Otherwise, I pretty much won't see anyone, most of the time.

Why is that?

There is, however, a difference I need to point out. That is, the difference between being asked to hang by a friend you wanted to hear from and a friend you thought of as a normal friend. The lack of the former may distort the times the latter has occurred.

To be honest, I found myself dismissing a few of the latter occasions quite a bit because they were simply not really what I wanted, even though they still rarely occurred. Heh, I even thought to myself, "should I even be picky at this point? I should be grateful that there are people who want to hang out with me," as there is an obvious difference between wanting to hang out with someone and being ok if someone tags along.

Yea, I just wanted to get some small gestures of....idk, something from my friends, and that's why I try to do that all the time. I guess I just want a time when someone stepped out of their way for me, and not because oh they'll be there also, so I can just tag along. No I don't want to tag along. I don't really want to just be a convenience. I want to feel that I matter for once.

And yet everything I do only makes it worst because I only settle for their convenience because that's...all I've got.

But you know, maybe it's too much to ask for and I'm just talking nonsense.


I'm just trying to say that I'm trying my best to let it be the way it is. I'm not sure what else I need to learn from all of this, but I guess I'm not done learning yet and He's still got more for me.

I hope I can keep this going. I don't know if I can, but I can only...try more.

At least, for the most part, I have tumblr and my followers to brighten my day because it always feels like talking to another side of me, but different people.

Rant over.

live it differently

Came across this on Reddit a few day ago:

Don't think about being "in love" as a state of being. Treat love as a an action and a choice. I love my wife every day, even if I don't particularly like her that day, that week or sometimes even that month.
I love her by spending time with her.
I love her by doing the dishes every night, making my son's lunch for school and taking out the trash without being asked. I love her by telling her she's beautiful even when she feels like she isn't.
I love her by choosing to put aside what I want to do for something she wants to do when appropriate and by actually listening to her when she talks about how hard her day was, even if I feel like my day was harder.
Love is not a feeling. Infatuation and lust are feelings. If you approach relationships from a perspective of your needs > their needs, you will find yourself very bitter and lonely over and over. When you find someone that is worth putting ahead of your feelings (I don't mean to imply that everyone is), choose to love them, even when it's hard.

This is why I'm sticking around, because it's worth it. It is no doubt, without a single hint of hesitation, worth sticking around.

It'd be nice if someone gave me a chance for once, eh?

That would be nice.

heavy rain with a chance of freedom

On this last week before spring break, two exams stand between me and freedom. One's tomorrow, psych, and biochem is on Wed. Psych is just memorization and judging from the practice exam, I'll be fine. Biochem, on the other hand, needs a lot more studying -___-

Also, I've been getting a few new followers on tumblr. Honestly this is like the best thing ever. I'm so excited for my new followers and if one of you is reading this, you are awesome! :D

Housing next year is more or less solid. Got four roommates, got our appointments requested, and we're just waiting for roommate-formation date. There's also a chance that we'll chip in (or someone will just get the money) for a hedgehog. Yea it's not allowed in the apartment, but I'll sneak him in if I can :3 I'm sorry I just want a pet of some sorts. I want pets, damnit!

I was finally able to write back to a pen pal about two days ago, but I still have to run to the post office to mail it. That means it'll have to be on Thurs instead, if I have time. If not, I'll have to mail it after I go home. Ughhh, I feel terrible for the late reply. :(

When I get back, I'm definitely bringing up my guitar. Oh gawd do I regret not bringing it up this semester >.> Can't believe I thought I would be ok with it q.q

---------------------------------------------------

I'm pretty sure you know, that I always want to talk to you. But you see, I know that you're very busy. Or, rather, you want to be busy, in a way. Yea, I know you pretty well, and even so I still use my "standards" to analyze your response, or lack of. I'm not sure why I still do that because that just doesn't work and it only makes me sad.

I know you cannot possibly wait for spring break, because this one in particular is a dream come true. I'm so happy and excited for you, and I wish you the bestest break ever. And I guess what I'm saying is that I just hope you didn't unfollow me on purpose and that you didn't reply to my texts because you feel obligated to do so. I haven't seen you in a while, and all I wanted to do was to say hi and see how you're doing, and to wish you a good week and to get enough rest so I can always see that stunning smile of yours.

Yea, I do miss you, but that's normal, heh I bet you know that anyway. I won't really do anything to show that I used to wish that you miss me too, but I don't anymore. Yea, whenever I get a text I still hope it's you, but I know 99% of the time it won't be. I know it'll take me a little longer to no longer wish that anymore, but I'll get there.

I guess that's enough on this topic. Maybe the next time I see you, if the time works out, I'll hug the crap outta you :3

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Apparently it's gonna pour tomorrow, around noon ish, for about 5 hours. Oh man I've been waiting for the rain for like weeks. If it's still there after my work shift, and if I have time, I'll go feel the rain.

Alright it's almost 12:30, I think I'll watch a little of Up and then shower then bed. Exam at 9:30 in the morning!

Oyasumi, readers.

just listen

Sorry fora near-week break from blogging. Not sure why I just didn't blog for a little bit. I was busy at times but wasn't overwhelmed. I mean, I posted after my hell week too. Oh well haha, probably just didn't have enough things to talk about.

Alright, first thing's first. Status on getting a Surface Pro. There's a damn good chance I won't be getting that anytime soon, for several reasons.

1. I just...don't really have the money. Plus the fact that there's that one week delay in my paycheck and I think it's more or less screwing with my saving plans. 
2. Even when I do save up enough for it, one purchase will basically turn me homeless, wallet-wise. I mean I could get BestBuy's cc and do a monthly payment method, but do I really need another card? 
3. This reason is actually real (I didn't want to admit it before but I should). Basically, I've gotten into a habit (I guess it's a habit now) of getting wings like once every week or two. They don't cost that much, but at this rate it'll simply take me an eternity to save up. 

Damnit it's almost 2am again. Ok I'll just write something else real quick and then head off. 

Another note: I got some whiskey from a friend, called Fireball. Delicious, haha. 

Over the past few weeks, after every Tues and Thurs shift, I basically have to grab dinner by myself because I get out at 8pm and no one eats that late (people either eat early or mad late). So I've been more or less eating alone on those days. 

It all reminded me how I enjoy eating alone. How I enjoy being by myself. I love walking by myself. I love reading by myself. I love solitude, because I can get to know myself, clear my head,  and understand my thoughts better. Sometimes, just listening to the background noise of life is soothing to the soul. 

While all that is great, there are so many things I miss about people. I miss so many people, people I haven't seen in years, months, days, sometimes hours. Maybe I do get tired of my own soul when I begin to miss people. The thing is, having company is simply a magical thing. 

Yea so I'm just saying that I miss people. >.>

And yes, I tend to want to hug the crap out of people. No shame. 

I should get on writing and sending a letter as well. Damnit Tim get your shit together zz 

On yet another side note, I've actually been very psyched about making friends on tumblr. They have been making my week all week long :3 

But yea, heading off. 

my good day on Thurs

So I can talk about my awesome yesterday now that I have time!

Woke up, got dressed all fancy, borrowed my roommate's red tie, relearned how to tie a tie, packed my stuff and went to my psych class.

We learned about literally neurons for the 300th time. Nothing exciting in class.

Went to Career Services afterward.  I went there just the day before so I know where to go exactly. The interview room number was 511, so I naturally thought it'd be on the 5th floor. Now this building looks really short, so it doesn't look like there is even a 2nd or 3rd floor. Either way, I went in, looked around on the first floor, and the room numbers were 5XX. "Uh, alright," I thought to myself. I looked around but 511 doesn't exist, so I went to the front desk and asked. The guy just pointed at himself. Oh, alright.

I signed in at the main desk and was instructed to go downstairs. As I was waiting there with a few familiar faces, a recruiter came out and explained that a recruiter couldn't make it and therefore our interviews duration will be cut in half (now 15 min each instead of half hour). I began to wonder how they can do a good interview in 15 mins.

A friendly-looking lady was my recruiter. She asked me a few generic questions, wanted to ask me if I would have transportation during summer, why I wanted to work with Genzyme, questions like that. I think it went really well! I left a few good lucks to the other applicants who were still waiting.

Had lunch with a friend, we caught up, talked about silly and stupid people, what we did over the past few days, and had a good time.

I went back to my dorm and tried to do a little studying but more or less just chilled. All of a sudden I remembered that I still had my pad thai from Monday so I had that before my pchem exam at 7. Left around 6:30, got there and met up with a few friends. The exam turned out to be rather ok (thanks to the similarity to the past exams). Good day so far.

I came back and checked mail, and guess what I got? A postcard from a lovely friend who's abroad in Italy! That was such a highlight of my night. And then I got a wings burger too.

Tried to finish Skywards Sword also but realized I was tired so I just watched Perfect Pitch and then went to sleep after. Half way through the movie my power went out, so I finished it and went up stairs to a friend's to charge up my baby.

Went to sleep around...2. Yea ok -____-

So that was my day! Honestly it was one of the best days. I can say that I enjoyed it thoroughly. I mean yea there were some negative thoughts and events, but I have chosen not to feel them.

Good day it was, I tell ya.