old texts

*About me moving to a different town*

Me: Well, it feels like going away. 

You: You're not going that far away.

I don't know what got me to look at those old texts. Maybe I was just cleaning out some stacked message threads; maybe I was just scrolling all the way to the bottom and saw people that only I start to text; maybe it was because of the names; maybe because I should have deleted those a while ago. 


Yes, it is far away. Even though it's only about 2-3 miles away from my old town, now I never really leave the house unless I have a car. Do you know what that means? It means that when it gets too quiet, and the silence too loud, my heart will decide that it misses everyone. 


And having a car is actually a decently rare occasion. 


That means that I usually just stay home and, unfortunately, be antisocial. Of course, I try to hang out with people, but now that I live an inconvenient distance from everything (literally everything and everywhere), hanging out is farther down the drain than I wanted it to be. 

from imgfave

You know, it's not just your text. There are so many others in which conversations began because of me, and it stacks from my side for a few in a row until there's a reply. Or, it'd be a few weeks before the friend says "hi." 

I don't know, why do I try? 


*sigh* All of this past and memory thing are coming back to annoy me again. =/ So tired. 


I want a dog. 


LoL, some reading and homework, maybe pingpong, then bed. Peace. 

school everywhere

Sorry to have gone on a hiatus for posting. School started back up a week ago and it's been rather hectic in terms of finding classes, organizing schedules, buying textbooks and materials and whatnot, fixing calendar and exam dates, etc etc. 


Honestly, I bought like $300 worth of textbook and materials already and it would've been about another $150 if I didn't find one of them online. I may very well be planning on selling these back Q.Q 


So let's see, first weekend! I feel like it's a good time to breakdown my classes just a bit first:


Molecular Biology: I'm super excited for this class; Prof Francis will be teaching it via diseases and honestly, this is gonna be great. You know they should just teach biology based on House episodes, how sweet would that be~ I guess the only unfortunate part is the weekly quizzes, just like Bio 100 and 101. Ohhhh well. 


Organic 2: So far so good, it's been two lectures or so and we've been learning about NMR an related spectroscopy techniques. I think he is acceptable with his currently method of elaboration. I don't particularly like his note-taking style, but maybe it's just some getting used-to. 


BioChem Lab: Oh man, this lab is gonna be long as hell. But at the same time we'll be learning recombination DNA and restricting enzymes and we'll get to use lab coats and it's just gonna be an awesome lab experience. Those multichannel pippetes are the coolest thing ever xD


Physics 2 - Obviously, nothing really to say about this class. Heath Hatch = the man with his awesome demos and crystal clear explanations. Looking forward to this class as well. 


Genetics - Still waiting on the text book, but this class is so far interesting, but I can sense the difficult parts coming in with all these new ideas and new terms. It will get tough nevertheless interesting. 


--


Thinking of going to the mall today, probably not if I can't find ppl to go with. I should go deposit some munny but it'll be a waste of time if I don't do something else at the mall and go just to deposit munny. Mhm. Oh well in any case, getting wings tonight!


LoL and reading today. Getting lunch soon. Later :) 


Meanwhile, enjoy this pink flying llama/unicorn I found: 

redo

I recently read a post by someone I follow, and it made me realize that I should perhaps try to restart the friendship anew. The past is in the past, and a new friendship is the better ending than two people ending on bad terms. So I have decided that I will, next time I see her, rebuild that friendship and start anew, redo what we enjoyed doing, discuss all that we did before. Maybe spring break, maybe summer, but I will make this happen. 


Heading back to school tomorrow afternoon ish! :) 

in case

from wallbase.cc

I really should jump on Everything is Illuminated; I saw the movie (again), and after reminding myself of a few scenes, I realized that I will not burn those letters. In fact, maybe I will bury them, by the river (heh, only half-a-handful of ppl know about that place too, oh well) 


But I will bury them, or keep them somewhere. In case, you know, someone comes looking for them. 


I mean, it's not gonna come back without feelings. It's not because I want people to come find them either, but simply-in case. 


******


I don't know why, but looking at her picture again gave me a realization. That is, I think I'm just in love with love. Maybe...that I was in love with how she "loved" me. That's why I'm afraid to love again because I don't want that to happen again. 

Sopa

A friend of mine posted on my fb wall with a link to an article that says Wiki will initiate a "blackout" in protest of SOPA, starting in about 12 hours from now. 


I must say, I have slightly anticipated such action from at least some websites, and judging from wiki's blackout (for 24 hours starting at 05:00 UTC on Jan 18th) we can very clearly see the impact of SOPA if it were to pass. For beginners, not just wiki would be affected, but also major sites such as youtube, blogs, tumblr, images sharing sites, social networks, and even search engines. 


Yes, piracy poses a problem to copyrights and that is what they're aiming to shut down with SOPA, but again their proposals are too broad to narrow down piracy and would altogether bring down the internet as it is. Given the current piracy technologies, if you will, there is almost nothing you can't pirate these days. Nevertheless, I think there are other ways of preventing piracy if that's their main goal, just not SOPA. 


I'm not altogether too worried about SOPA being passed as it seems to me that most individuals realize the extend and the power of SOPA in destroying the internet itself, and not just piracy. 


I shall wait and see my own reaction to a Wiki-less wednesday tomorrow; it's gonna be very interestingly frustrating. Haha. 

headache once again

Aye..here's the headache in the morning again. I'm pretty sure my headache wasn't catching a breeze from the window at all last night. Maybe my arm was kinda not under the covers...idk, I have a headache again =/ Time to look for the tylenol my parents took from me...


And then again with the weird dreams! Omg, this time like it was that big monster cloud thing from Green Lantern that was destroying the world, and I like had a newborn baby to protect and I apparently got shot in the back, but it was hokay (lol). I like hid in buildings and places and such. I don't remember if I actually got rid of the monster but what I know is the dream was absolutely intense and that's probably why I woke up with a headache lol. Oh well, woke up a bit late anyways, so much for having slept really well the day before. 


Got like actual artsy paper from Michael's today. Gonna write back to my pen-pal now :D One last week till I go back to school! Can't wait. 


And Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close comes out in four days. I think I'll see who's around still and grab peeps to go see that, if they want :) So excited! 


Bought Trees of Codes and Walking Back to Happiness, so I have two books to start my semester. Good step for my "resolution," I think, haha. 

saturday night

So you wrote it down I'm supposed to care, even though it's never there
Sorry if I'm not prepared
Is it hard to see the things yo substitute for me and all my thoughts of you?

-YC

these mornings

For some reason I've been waking up these days with a headache and then the next without. This has been alternating for the past five days or so already. I tried to find the causes behind the headaches, from the daily activities of those five days or so, but none has made any differences. 


Haha, maybe it has something to do with what I dreamed last night. It was about my watch that decided that it has the ability to transform in to two other modes (bear with me, it still doesn't make sense, too much CIA gadget stuff going on here). It can transform from like this original, plastic cover and metallic design into this metal casing that feels like a titanium finish. Then it can also turn into a cheaper feeling plastic watch with like beads as the watchbands....idk it was just weird as hell. 


Ohhh what is vacation doing to me lol. 


Going out to lunch. Hope my headache goes away. Later guys :) 

I get weird dreams

Yep. I totally do. Like the dream I had last night. From what I remembered, I was hugging someone in the dream, I forget who, and I could feel distinguished squeezes from that person very clearly. I could feel her periodic squeeze from the hug, and I think they semi woke me up because the next thing I knew was it was just my quilt. I tried to remember the squeezes and I could still feel the lingering sensation. Weird as hell. 


Oh well, that's for that. I'm still waiting for a few mangas to come out, sucks that JUMP took a week off. Should be out tmw. Oh, speaking of manga, I need to catch up on One Piece. :) 


Also, I got a mail from my new pen-pal! Along with the fact that it's also not from the US (but from UK!), I'm super excited to write more actual letters. Reminds me of how I found this image with a method to send letters for free (without a stamp, in the US that is) by switching the return address and the destination address. Haha, what ingenious idea. Best part is she's also a YELLOWCARD FAN YESSSSS. :D Hokay I'm done. 


That's it for now. Gonna start on that letter and then some LoL. Peace. 

what is it, is it destiny?

So. A little background. A certain someone made me a can tab bracelet sometime ago. Something happened and, well, let's just say our friendship is not the same anymore. Now that bracelet is locked away with everything else. 


A little after that whole kit and kaboodle, I made a friend a can tab bracelet also. Not long after that it became really evident that my friend is constantly annoying me. I chose to grow apart. 


Ohhhh the curse of the bracelet. 

hah.

I just remembered how you said not to wait for you. When it all happened. Ha, that was so damn clear, wasn't it. I was nothing to you, and there's nothing for you to get over. 


It's even clearer now. Sorry, but if you felt that way, this definitely wouldn't have worked. I don't even know how we got close. 


It'll be lucky (for you) if we're still friends as I don't know where we stand. But w/e, this is no longer important. 


Farewell. 

three more weeks

Let's do a little recap. Winter break started more than two weeks ago, and there are three more weeks left of it. Honestly, this break is too long. I want to go back next week. QQ. A goal for me was to start studying for MCAT, but I realized that there are actually more stuff that I haven't learned yet than I anticipated (as in I will learn next semester). So I can only do so much for the studying so far. Oh well. 


A few goals for this new year. 

1. I'm gonna make a collage. First for 2011, then take more photos or 2012. 
2. Be happier; this, of course, doesn't mean that I can throw away my past and forget about it 'cause it will go wherever I go. But I'll do it nevertheless.
3. Create/learn about more awesome mixes on 8tracks.
4. Read more for fun.
5. Have a drama-less year.
6. Get a 4.0.
7. Find a worship place at college.
8. Sleep earlier.
9. Make more friends.
10. Be more active and get in shape.

May there be more to come, hah. That's it for now. Hope your day's coming along awesome :) 

before sleep

Every time, before bed, thoughts just flood my supposedly empty mind. Things like how something should be, agendas, plans, what I did today, sometimes the past, people, events.
And then always, the people I'm not allowed to miss, even the tiniest.


And...there are so many. I just...can't allow myself to miss any of them cause it's just not right. It's just so wrong.


There are so many people I want to say I miss them, but I can't. I just...can't.
Maybe it's not because I don't miss people, but because of this. Because I don't allow myself to miss people, and force myself to be alone.


Don't ever do this. This hurts like hell, but there's no other way for me. This is what I need to do to live, sadly.


And no ever knows.


My brain hurts. G'night.

a new year it is

Honest to say, 2011 wasn't an enjoyable year. For me, it was a lot of doubts, hardships heartaches, stuff like that. Yes, there were some good and enjoyable parts, but none of those were actually happiness. They weren't true happiness. They were enough just to get by.
A lot of it was me trying to heal. Always fun.


But all of this is just a reflection.
That's it for now. I would've stayed in Boston for the fireworks and such if only I hadn't been there for the entire day already and spent >$70... There goes my budget for the vacation. x(


Heading off now, oyasumi.


-hug-