I think sometimes it says a lot about people's hearts when things don't go the way they want. A loss, an obstacle, a dreaded news. Are the circumstances truly driving the heartaches? Or is it our own hearts that are driving the pain? I think that unfortunately it is human nature to usually the source of the problem. It's just like when one complains, it says a lot more about the individual than the situation.
I woke up this morning with a question: what makes us love someone? How and what does that fulfill? I have come to realize that the answer to that question goes all the way into your roots. Who do you see yourself as? What are your aspirations in life? What do you think sacrifice means? Do you know what love even means? There are numerous more questions that can be asked, and then on top of that, there are practical and ideal answers to most of the questions too.
When the aid ran away from my family, I learned about myself.
When my voice remains unheard among people who I thought cared about me, I learned about myself.
When I experienced a new kind of love but lost it a few years ago, I learned about myself.
When my family struggled to out food on the table, I learned about myself.
As my aunt remarried for the fourth time, I learned about myself.
When my father becomes verbally abusive and threatens to leave the family, I learned about myself.
When I first saw someone die, I learned about myself.
When people who walk closer to God pray for me, I learned about myself.
When someone hurt me, I learned about myself.
When my love wasn't enough, I learned about myself.
Isn't it sad that people (at least me) learn the most when there are hardships? When life happens?
Well, what did I learn?
I'm a selfish man who doesn't really know who he is. I learned more about what not to do than what to do. It has been lessons after lessons, and yet I continue to learn the same thing.
I realized that the problem is how I think. I grew up with a certain kind of mindset and worldview, just like everyone else, that I use to navigate through life and help me make decisions. I have some knowledge of Christ, and Jesus, and Christianity, but there were so much more transformation that needed to happen.
Do you know why they say, "you are the strongest when you're on your knees"? Because you have nothing else to lose. When I looked to Jesus, what I learned wasn't who I shouldn't be, but who I am because of who He is. But this knowledge, any knowledge, in and of itself has no power; it is discipline that drives the power. I needed to change the way I think.
I learned that when I live for myself, many things become fragile. I am fragile. I can't love the way I want to love without consequences. I can't love others without the love of God without consequences.
Love God, love yourself, and then love others. I got the order all wrong. I realized I never really received the love of God, and so I was never truly able to love myself. And I already tried to love others with "my love." How could I have loved anyone as fully and as unconditionally as the Father? That is against human nature, and I fell right into that trap.
I will change my way of thinking so I can go against what the world thinks is desirable and follow what God has said are true strengths. I want to receive His love so I can know, deep down inside my core, who I am in Him so I can love with the only type of love that can transform others for good. I want to keep the fire for Him burning as the driving force.
I have faith that if I truly walk with Him, He will continue to show me what great things He had already provided for me. He will continue to test my faith, and I will persevere. I have faith that He will give and restore what is the best for me, open doors, and bring people, new or old, into my life, and to lead me to great things that honor Him.
When you live for someone else, you don't know who you are, because you are of this world this is not eternal. But if you live for the Father, you are His child. Walk in His plan, He'll show you who you are. Grace is a teacher. Grace empowers us to understand the truth.
I want to love not because I want to feel loved but because He loves me and He loves you.
I'll be praying for every one of your walks with God.
God bless.
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