shouts of joy, cry of hearts, embrace of souls

It's been a while, blog. A lot, a lot, has happened since my last post. 

I think it's ironic that the last time I posted here, it was about the Paris shooting. 

I'm not sure who still reads this, if any. But I still like a place where I can, to some degree, gather my thoughts. 

Within the past 48 hours, there were more shootings. I'm still trying to come to terms with all of it. I have so many questions, but not enough answers. 

Or maybe...do we already have all our answers, but we're just not asking the right questions? 

To the families of the loss, the too many that were lost, I'm praying for you as well. I don't understand how is it possible to harbor so much hate for people. Are we not showing enough love to each other? Is it poor parenting? I don't know. This is all beyond complex and incredibly difficult to sort out. We know human nature is the root of the issue, but are we asking how we can solve it? Is that the right question to ask? We are humans, after all. Who are we to judge, but only to love? 

Rest in peace, Christina Grimmie. You were one of my inspirations, we all loved you so much. I'm praying for your family and everyone who is trying to get through this tragedy. I know you are in a better place now. I know you are next to our Father, and I know that you are looking down and smiling at us, telling us not to mourn too much but to live on joyously, fruitfully, and to spread as much love as we humanly can. That was what you did, and you inspired people to no end. In the meantime, you'll probably be singing to all the angels in Heaven and inspiring them too. 

Death is not dying. I'll see you in Heaven, Christina, and maybe then Gracie and I can sing with you? 

PS: give some of them a break at SSB's too, okay? Not everyone is as good as you! 


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Now that I vented about the cruelties of the world...

Guys, I found the love of my love :) Meet Gracie, my sweetheart.

What else do I wanna say here other than I love her to death? Well, I love her so incredibly much I don't know what to do with myself...

We're in a LDR right now, and it only really threw in a few pickles here and there, but otherwise, I can't wait to spend the rest of time with you, my love. x)

Alright, I should go check in at the security gate and grab some lunch soon ish.

But yes, I have only been working otherwise, I have one month of work left, and I move to my apartment in July! School starts Aug 3rd, with two days before being orientation.


Gracie is planning to come visit in a few weeks, and if I remember, I will update this blog with how my apartment goes and more updates when Gracie visits.

Be safe everyone, and keep sharing the love.

schoolgirl

You said he made you feel like a school girl.

You know, I never actually knew what you meant by that. Maybe it was the way you said it. Maybe I was thinking too much. Was it just him? Or was it more of you?

How did I make you feel? Do I really care at this moment? We don't even talk anymore. What did I get from you last time, my name in all caps and nothing after? What did that mean? What were you trying to do? Were you even trying to do anything?

I think I know what you meant now.

I think I can say, this time, that it's not too late to know. Not to save what we had because it wasn't anything to you, but now I know the truth for myself.

You know, I think it might be time to open up that box and read those....letters  from you. It's probably the only closure I'd ever have.

I don't care if I break, at least I'll be feeling something 

right now

This is me, right now. 

He looked at her in a way he had never looked before. He looked at her in a way he had never looked at anyone before. He saw her; truly saw her. Saw her for everything she was and is and would someday be. He realized then that he loved her; he loved her like the world was beginning and ending all at once. But he could never have her. It was too late, all too late. In a brilliant and agonizing second his heart filled with the most inexplicable joy and then burst into a thousand pieces, filling his chest with the piercing shrapnel of a broken heart

I don't know what to do. 

post-april fools and the hunger games

Soooo, I think I can safely post what I'm about to post here...and that is that I have changed my birthday on Facebook to today! Sorry for those who went along with it, but like it's for entertainment purposes and I just want to see who I can fool ;)
Anyways, how did my weekend go...


Oh, I just realized that I already blogged about my Friday night. Oh we'll, I shall continue my weekend then.


Saturday, I did absolutely nothing. Well, by nothing I mean all I did was play Ocarina of Time. Yes, I think its worth it and all, but I was just left with the awful feeling of having not done anything. Woke up at 10, couldn't fall back to sleep after getting like only 7 hours of sleep on a weekend, played Zelda, lunch, played more Zelda, dinner then  movies until like 1am... yea, my Saturday was greatly non-productive, alright. BUT. I got to see The Hunger Games. Honestly, it was an amazing movie. I'm actually really glad that I didn't just give up after the bus pretty much decided not to come pick us up at the bus stop. The bus is always late =/


Just a heads up, this post...is really long. 


I feel like talking about the movie for a little.


***** SPOILER ALERT. DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS. GO AWAY NAO WHEN YOU STILL CAN. *****


I think the theme of how they have to do the games to remember the rebellion...is silly. I'm pretty sure people would agree, but this is totally a punishment of the past and the Capitol's way of keeping the districts under control and continue their reign. This is at least what I got from the movie since I haven't read the book yet, but I shall very soon and will continue the series. However, though, I agree that it has to tie into life and death to make the theme worthy enough for a "game," otherwise it'd just be absurdly stupid. Since that's the story, and everything with that as a result, it is a very good and strong movie. The actors did absolutely amazing jobs at their roles. Yes, even Rue, for those racist haters out there. She was so prefect for the role, you ignorant readers.


The Capitol...portrayed extremely extravagant and unnecessarily wealthy, I guess all just serves to clarify and reinforce the gap between them and the districts. (Damn I can feel myself wanting the read the book more and more as I talk about the movie xD) Their exaggerated insensitivity kinda annoyed me with all the games, but what can I say, I can totally imagine such an entity. I mean, what to talk about them other than how rich and most of the time annoying they are? And that TV show? I'm a bit sick of that, to be honest.

Why am I anxious to jump to Peeta and Katniss? Because they're awesome? Haha well honestly Katniss is absolutely amazing, too skilled , I say. And you know, idk, when I saw them trying to work together almost at the games, there was so much tension. So much that it was too unnatural and undesired. I also find it annoying how I couldn't feel much emotions from everyone else other than Peeta, Katniss, and Rue...and well, I guess little bits from a few others but that's about it; the others are all about killing and just disgusts me. 


OK NOW. I guess I was a bit surprised when Peeta just announced it at the show. Just like that. It was very heart-felt indeed, so I guess it was fine. Katniss got so upset I almost went hey give him a break he knows he has no chance, you or the games. The story progressed with some twists (I was so out-of-this-world depressed when Rue died...) Then there were the two climaxes for me: when they announced that there could be two winners (I WAS SO HAPPY) and afterwards when they heard the disqualifying bang, when Katniss ran to find Peeta. Honestly, that scene was more or less engraved into my mind. 


I guess that's it for the movie...I can definitely talk more about it but I think I should do so after I finish the book. Can't wait to read the other books in the series :) 

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Yea...so I don't know why my heart's pumping so hard right now. Well actually I do; it pumps and jumps like that when there's stuff on my mind. Like a decent number of things, or when I'm feeling alone, or when I feel like I've lost people in my life (which honestly feels like that recently). I guess I surprised myself when I actually was able to concentrate on my lab report earlier today since my heart has been doing this all day. 


I don't care about how much it costs now, I'm gonna get a free hugs t-shirt. I said I will do he campaign but still haven't and I'm really annoyed at myself for that. 


I don't really feel like doing work anymore. I think I want to go take a walk, for like an hour at least. Those late night walks that I haven't done in a while. 


Why isn't it 100 out and pouring? 


It'll be ok. 

will you?

I figured out what the problem is. The reason why I get sad so easily. And this is why.


I envy people, I want to be just like other people, because they always seem to have things I don't have, people I don't know, people who love them. I see the best in other and the worst in me, what I don't have, what I want. I can never seem to see what I do have. I can never be happy because I can never be like other people. That just sounds so wrong. Oh God, how much do I actually envy...the people they are, the friendship they have, they're everything that one cannot ask for, no matter how much one wants it. It simply does not work. I have denied this fact for so long, but now I'm trying to just lay it all out. I'm jealous of the friendship among my friends, because I always feel that I will never have those kinds of friendship. Whenever I see people, see my friends interact with each other, this whole thing comes around and stabs me in the heart again, and I don't even realize it. 


Don't you see? The thing is that I do have amazing friends. This is exactly the reason why I feel like this because they're so amazing and beautiful and loving and easy to get along that I have never felt so....detached from them. It is because that I love them so much. I can't be more grateful for them being there, and yet it always seems like it's so easy for them to walk out of my life. What do I do? I mean, what can I do, I'm just a friend.  


The funny thing is I figured this out in church today. 


I want to lie on the grass at night, in the pouring rain, and just sing. 


It hurts, to realize this now. 


I mean, even if I know someone who's going through this, and the person wrote this, and somehow I magically finds this. Will I even do something? Will anyone even do anything if someone finds out how someone is living his/her life, in something like this? What will you do? What can you do? I totally feel like I'm shouting right now. 


Personally, I would go up to them and just hug the living crap out of them, until they realize why I'm hugging them, that they know that through my hug, I care and want to do anything I can do make them feel like they're worth every little thing they've ever done and thought and everything to come. 


I want to go to a Hillsong United concert.