"something in the way"

Haven't had a movie night in a while. Decided to take a day off from work, before actual dedication to studying for the rest of the week, and have a chill night. I just hung out with Alex and Mrs. Bus Driver :D I realized I haven't hung out with them in a while, and it reminds me how fun it is to do so. 

We watched The Change-Up. It's more or less a remake of Freaky Friday, with a similar theme also. I've seen it already but I watched it again because it's a decent movie, along with their request. It worked out because we had a good time. 

It never occurred to me before--when I first watched the movie, that is--but now that I just watched it again, it made me realize something. I realized that in the future, sometime in the future, that I want kids. I know it's too early to say, but the scenes of Dave interacting with his kids, daughter, all of it--picking up his daughter, hearing how was her day at school, having dinner with the family, putting the babies to sleep, just everything--I want to experience that. I want to know how it feels and what it means to love unconditionally, to have a loving family and keeping that. I think despite all the difficulties, I think being able to experience that unconditional love will be absolutely, out-of-the-question worthy. 

Also, near the end, Mitch's words left a pretty deep impression in my bubble of thoughts. 

I think we all know that life doesn't always turn out exactly how you plan it. Sometimes, just sometimes, it turns out better

Maybe, you know, that life is bad because we want it to be. Maybe sometimes, we don't want to admit that our lives are good because it could be better. And hey, anything in life can always get better. Why do I always belittle the good things in my life and focus on the bad things anyways? I think it's because for those who've been through stuff, things get harder, and you're constantly trying to find ways to make your life better because you've been down the other road and, even though it was a priceless lesson, you don't want to wander down that road again. 

And you know, the paradox is the harder you find, the less likely you'll find. So it's better to settle, to stand still and see where I am, evaluate, process, analyze what I have and don't have, and what should be a goal and what shouldn't. 

Honestly, this reminds me of sometimes, I honestly think I am the most boring person in the world. Maybe it's from how people react around me, I don't know, and don't ask me how I came up with that thought, but honestly, sometimes I think I'm just boring, and I wouldn't hang out with myself either. 

What do you do with that feeling, now? Actually, now I think of it, it's probably because I was once used for-what seemingly felt like-selfish reasons. Oh hey look I'm just merrily answering my own silly existential questions. No big deal. 

I'm tired. I have no further words. 

I'm gonna make my list now.