I read your message/letter about five hours ago, I think about the time you wrote me because my phone got the message so it rang and buzzed. I thought it was just a Facebook notification, which I normally just ignore/check later. For some reason I decided to check, and it turned out to be your message.
Five hours ago was about 9pm ish. I was on my way to a friend's LAN party. I had a good time, if you're wondering. It is 2:00 AM now, and although I'm pretty tired, I feel I should still write you something, or else it doesn't feel right (and I'd feel like a terrible friend). I'll try to keep it short and continue anything else tomorrow x)
First of all, don't worry about the letters, I'll send you my address for the next semester the moment I go back to school. Actually, thanks for holding them off :)
I'm sorry to hear about all the stress that's looming over your life right now. I agree, changes are scary. I might as well be in your shoe when I was starting college, but I think all the moving and people changing got me used to the idea of "changes" and, you know, I guess anything else just became buffered and damped; that I'm not all that afraid of changes anymore because there's always change and there's nothing I can do about it.
I think what you gotta do is to figure out what you want. You said your friend is afraid of leaving everything behind. Does she want to? If not, she can definitely leave ways to keep in touch with people whom she wants to keep in her life.
Growing apart is perhaps one of my worst fears; to grow apart from someone you used to know (ok, not intended), love, and cherish, only to realize that all of a sudden they're strangers to you, that somehow you don't share something anymore. Then you began to wonder whether it was you who changed, or was it them? Yea, you can keep in touch with them, but proximity doesn't prevent two people from growing apart either. It might be harder for two people who still see and hang out with each other to grow apart than two with distance, but the opposite is just as common. I don't think there's a way to prevent growing apart. Everything (and I mean everything) tests your friendship with someone, whether the two will stay and push it through the rough spots or somehow shatter into hatred or indifference. If your friendship is strong, then there's little to worry about. I mean, who knows? Things can also unexpectedly strengthen or even create a (stronger) bond that you thought you never had (I'll always be grateful...for the people I met, and the bonds that I've strengthened, somehow)
I guess you got a lonely house near the beach...well, it won't be much longer. Plus, solitude gives you time and peace to yourself for thoughts. It's usually healthy. Think positive :) I don't know, but personally I think I unconsciously place people and friends' decisions off into the...abyss, if you will. What I mean by that is that I assume and normalize people's rejection. Yea I know it sounds kinda pessimistic, and maybe it is. But the thing is it makes every little positive gesture a pleasant surprise.
I totally agree with you being excited of moving out and just have a life of your own (well, sort of). I guess I was lucky to have roomed with two good friends back in high school when I first moved out to college. In a sense, nothing had changed with them two as roommates. Change? I don't know if I had prevented some change then, nor was it intentional. Either case, I don't think it would have made much difference. I think my adaptability got trained a bit too well over the years...zzz I just...went with the flow when I couldn't do much. Don't worry too much; worrying never gets anywhere :)
No I have not seen The Black Dahlia, nor read The End of Mr. Y. I can look up the movie and see if I can watch it sometime.
Alright it's 2:40 AM and I should be heading off. Thanks for the message, I was starting to miss you :)
-l.h-
P.S. If you can, sleep earlier, D. It's better for you :)
P.P.S. Ohohohoh, check out this :) *huggg*
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