I think sometimes the Holy Spirit speaks in different ways

Sometimes He speaks by pointing out my sins and wrongdoings, my lack of integrity, or when any sense of pride comes back again, so I either know I need to turn back to God or so I can avoid doing something.

Other times He overwhelms my whole being with the reality and clarity of how it feels to be loved by God, how He gave His Son so I can be with Him 

Maybe my heart has just been really fragile lately because both of these happen almost on a daily basis now, sometimes multiple times a day, and it never fails to make me tear up in the least 

This is especially true tonight, as I'm being overwhelmed by the lack of integrity in my life, at the utterly failed faith and failed Christian I had been, but yet Your overwhelming love for me despite of everything, saying that "I don't care, I love you and I want your heart." That You never ever, and will never ever, give up on me. 

I'm sorry that the guilt still comes back, because it mattered. It mattered so much, and I'm so sorry, Father. A part of me feels like I need to atone and because of it I've severed your blessings for me. I'm afraid that I'll be so far from you, Father. I'm sorry Father. 

Father, I know that I'm different now, but I want to be utterly different, and be only full of You so glorying You is effortless because I'll only be concerned about Your kingdom, Your will, and Your desires. Take that desire and come into my life and just undo everything that is me, Father. I'll continue fight myself to resist and throw out anything in the way.