Spring break flashed by with absolutely gorgeous weather back home, and now NE weather strikes again once I'm back at school with 36 degrees and 20 mph gusts. NE why so cold?! :(
Nevertheless, spring will come at some point, and this means that I need to move things around so that I will have time for more sports and just outside time. Trying to gauge from what I've been doing with all the classes and labs and I think Monday.Tuesdays and every other Wednesday (MAYBE) are more probable (well, and the weekends, obviously).
Also, I've been looking for a lot of internships, and honestly it's rather frustrating when so many companies only want people with BS degrees. It's like I want the experience before I can even get that. It makes sense that they require such people, but shouldn't there be a decent number of place that want undergraduate interns? I guess keep looking xD
With that said, back to the summer internship hunt while listening to music.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
a year ago
As I'm going back to campus, I was reminded of you, a year ago, of how you came to see me off before I left. And then I realized that maybe, in the slightest bit that I didn't want to admit, I still miss you....
Blahhhhhh.
Blahhhhhh.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
will you?
I figured out what the problem is. The reason why I get sad so easily. And this is why.
I envy people, I want to be just like other people, because they always seem to have things I don't have, people I don't know, people who love them. I see the best in other and the worst in me, what I don't have, what I want. I can never seem to see what I do have. I can never be happy because I can never be like other people. That just sounds so wrong. Oh God, how much do I actually envy...the people they are, the friendship they have, they're everything that one cannot ask for, no matter how much one wants it. It simply does not work. I have denied this fact for so long, but now I'm trying to just lay it all out. I'm jealous of the friendship among my friends, because I always feel that I will never have those kinds of friendship. Whenever I see people, see my friends interact with each other, this whole thing comes around and stabs me in the heart again, and I don't even realize it.
Don't you see? The thing is that I do have amazing friends. This is exactly the reason why I feel like this because they're so amazing and beautiful and loving and easy to get along that I have never felt so....detached from them. It is because that I love them so much. I can't be more grateful for them being there, and yet it always seems like it's so easy for them to walk out of my life. What do I do? I mean, what can I do, I'm just a friend.
The funny thing is I figured this out in church today.
I want to lie on the grass at night, in the pouring rain, and just sing.
It hurts, to realize this now.
I mean, even if I know someone who's going through this, and the person wrote this, and somehow I magically finds this. Will I even do something? Will anyone even do anything if someone finds out how someone is living his/her life, in something like this? What will you do? What can you do? I totally feel like I'm shouting right now.
Personally, I would go up to them and just hug the living crap out of them, until they realize why I'm hugging them, that they know that through my hug, I care and want to do anything I can do make them feel like they're worth every little thing they've ever done and thought and everything to come.
I want to go to a Hillsong United concert.
I envy people, I want to be just like other people, because they always seem to have things I don't have, people I don't know, people who love them. I see the best in other and the worst in me, what I don't have, what I want. I can never seem to see what I do have. I can never be happy because I can never be like other people. That just sounds so wrong. Oh God, how much do I actually envy...the people they are, the friendship they have, they're everything that one cannot ask for, no matter how much one wants it. It simply does not work. I have denied this fact for so long, but now I'm trying to just lay it all out. I'm jealous of the friendship among my friends, because I always feel that I will never have those kinds of friendship. Whenever I see people, see my friends interact with each other, this whole thing comes around and stabs me in the heart again, and I don't even realize it.
Don't you see? The thing is that I do have amazing friends. This is exactly the reason why I feel like this because they're so amazing and beautiful and loving and easy to get along that I have never felt so....detached from them. It is because that I love them so much. I can't be more grateful for them being there, and yet it always seems like it's so easy for them to walk out of my life. What do I do? I mean, what can I do, I'm just a friend.
The funny thing is I figured this out in church today.
I want to lie on the grass at night, in the pouring rain, and just sing.
It hurts, to realize this now.
I mean, even if I know someone who's going through this, and the person wrote this, and somehow I magically finds this. Will I even do something? Will anyone even do anything if someone finds out how someone is living his/her life, in something like this? What will you do? What can you do? I totally feel like I'm shouting right now.
Personally, I would go up to them and just hug the living crap out of them, until they realize why I'm hugging them, that they know that through my hug, I care and want to do anything I can do make them feel like they're worth every little thing they've ever done and thought and everything to come.
I want to go to a Hillsong United concert.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
lost dreams
I had a dream that was too good to be true. I guess that's why I really really want to put this down. Right now.
It started with me being in this building, I believe multi-floors. I was on a higher floor when I saw you walking up the stairs from the lower floor. You were pretty psyched about something, and I was teasing you about it and all. You got up to my floor and we noticed these bands of armed men were walking up the stairs too with guns and stuff. I grabbed you and backed off to this couch near the staircase as the men got up the stairs and starting controlling the building. You had this worried face as the men started shouting about something that they've made and they'll destroy something with it. They pointed the guns at everyone on the floor so no one interferes with their plan. One of them got close to us because we weren't "far away enough" and point his gun at us. You were holding my arm and I staggered back on to the couch as the guy screamed "GET BACK IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DIE!" I was holding you behind me and rubbing your shoulders to calm you down. It wasn't long after he went back to his crew when I found a gun under the couch. We're both a bit scared and we're just holding each other. We sat there, watching their every move. After a while, it seemed like they have gotten all prepared for their "weapon" to be launched, and then we realized that we're on a top floor with a balcony. The balcony had a group of the crew who were setting up a machinery. And then we found an opening to go for it, so we grabbed you, got up, and ran for it. They noticed soon and started running after us. We ran for the balcony and disrupted some of their operations, and we're able to leave the building into this weird maze. After going through the maze with different oddly shaped walls, time somehow passed forward and it was then a few years later, and we have a kid of ours, and we're all happy.
Weird 'cause that jumped so fast. I guess it's fine 'cause it's a dream.
It started with me being in this building, I believe multi-floors. I was on a higher floor when I saw you walking up the stairs from the lower floor. You were pretty psyched about something, and I was teasing you about it and all. You got up to my floor and we noticed these bands of armed men were walking up the stairs too with guns and stuff. I grabbed you and backed off to this couch near the staircase as the men got up the stairs and starting controlling the building. You had this worried face as the men started shouting about something that they've made and they'll destroy something with it. They pointed the guns at everyone on the floor so no one interferes with their plan. One of them got close to us because we weren't "far away enough" and point his gun at us. You were holding my arm and I staggered back on to the couch as the guy screamed "GET BACK IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DIE!" I was holding you behind me and rubbing your shoulders to calm you down. It wasn't long after he went back to his crew when I found a gun under the couch. We're both a bit scared and we're just holding each other. We sat there, watching their every move. After a while, it seemed like they have gotten all prepared for their "weapon" to be launched, and then we realized that we're on a top floor with a balcony. The balcony had a group of the crew who were setting up a machinery. And then we found an opening to go for it, so we grabbed you, got up, and ran for it. They noticed soon and started running after us. We ran for the balcony and disrupted some of their operations, and we're able to leave the building into this weird maze. After going through the maze with different oddly shaped walls, time somehow passed forward and it was then a few years later, and we have a kid of ours, and we're all happy.
Weird 'cause that jumped so fast. I guess it's fine 'cause it's a dream.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
spurt of thought
I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things, I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun wil swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I'm in love with you."
spring, sick, loaded die
Wow, so I haven't blogged in almost two weeks, terribly sorry. The work load I have for this week was originally four lab reports and two exams to deal with, but as of now I have one exam and one report left (since I finished the other items already xD). I'm definitely less stressed with two items left, even though one of them is still the upcoming orgo exam 2 on wednesday. I've covered about roughly 50% of my notes on the material, and I plan on going over another 25% if possible tonight.
The weather has cleared up big time; it was 30 this morning but it hit 70 today. It was almost unbearable as I saw people playing frisbee and tanning and just having a good time outside while I was stuck inside studying for my physics test (which turned out much easier than expected...wasted all that time for little rewards =/ oh well). Even with this amazing weather, I think I caught a cold last night (don't even ask how I have no clue) and I've had a running nose and congestion all day long. Sucks.
So, what happened these days...ah, I was able to get dinner with a new friend, t'was very fun. Need to do that again :) Anddd Mikers came to visit last weekend! He could have totally stayed more than a night, but I guess he didn't love us enough xP Just kidding, it's awesome enough for him to actually come up too.
Btw, I got a twitter...yep. @salaheonerezza I'm still confused by most of it, but follow it up~
Even though I was keeping myself busy, that some fun things happened, and that I tried a few things and they went decently well...even then, idk, I still feel down and I don't know why. I think it's pretty much a fact that I have forgotten how to be genuinely happy. *sigh* Maybe I'll just surf the web...---30 mins later---
Omg, I just surfed reddit this whole time, fml....
OK ANYWAYS. I need to get some studying done, get a hot shower in, and head off.
I miss the times when I just read something amazing until I fall asleep.
Friday, March 2, 2012
short/sore day
Such a experience, man...
So, my day: woke up at 10am, showered, printed out my physics lab, chilled for an hour before going to lunch with a friend. Biochemistry lab at 12:40 and did not get out until 8pm. It consisted of a lecture, gel electrophoresis lab, and report introduction group work.
After that absurdly long lab, went to dinner (and missed oak room-worst part of my day), and came back around 9:30pm. By then I honestly did not feel like doing anything other than chilling, and therefore I decided to find Mario 64 once again and booted up Project64. Went through a couple of worlds and got about 20 stars. I played that until around 11:40pm, and went to brush my teeth. Roommate's heading off, but I didn't feel like heading off just yet, even with my absurdly long (or short) day. So I decided to drop in the quad and just blog (this one right here!) Saw a friend pulling an all-nighter for an exam. :( College can be real tough sometimes, man.
Oh, a bit of update with the snow and all. So it snowed (shocking, believe it or not) yesterday. Precipitation other than water had brought all kinds of surprise to everyone, and expectation of all sorts were thrown around like rumors, everything from how much snow to whether classes would be canceled tomorrow or not. The snow continued and once again surprised everyone, and brought up some's hope for a snow day. As it turned out, there was no snow day-actually not even close. There weren't that much snow to begin with as it was mostly flurries.
As I was walking up from dinner today, everywhere started to ice up. The little snow left on the hill started to freeze and it became rather slippery already. The worst scenario would be everywhere gets so slippery that they have to delay classes, in which case....more sleep in the morning! But I highly doubt it so it's ok.
BUT THERE'S AN EXCITING NEWS. A friend of my who goes to UPenn should be visiting sometime next week. I am super pumped :D
So yea, other than blogging, I'm just listening to orchestral version of video game musics like Time's Scar from Chrono Scar and Theme of Laura from Silent Hill 2. Before these was a playlist from 8tracks. Here it is.
Alright, I have a 9am class tomorrow and I should probably head off. And also to leave my friend alone so she can study (well, not that I'm really bothering her..I hope) Anyways, g'night peeps :)
So, my day: woke up at 10am, showered, printed out my physics lab, chilled for an hour before going to lunch with a friend. Biochemistry lab at 12:40 and did not get out until 8pm. It consisted of a lecture, gel electrophoresis lab, and report introduction group work.
After that absurdly long lab, went to dinner (and missed oak room-worst part of my day), and came back around 9:30pm. By then I honestly did not feel like doing anything other than chilling, and therefore I decided to find Mario 64 once again and booted up Project64. Went through a couple of worlds and got about 20 stars. I played that until around 11:40pm, and went to brush my teeth. Roommate's heading off, but I didn't feel like heading off just yet, even with my absurdly long (or short) day. So I decided to drop in the quad and just blog (this one right here!) Saw a friend pulling an all-nighter for an exam. :( College can be real tough sometimes, man.
Oh, a bit of update with the snow and all. So it snowed (shocking, believe it or not) yesterday. Precipitation other than water had brought all kinds of surprise to everyone, and expectation of all sorts were thrown around like rumors, everything from how much snow to whether classes would be canceled tomorrow or not. The snow continued and once again surprised everyone, and brought up some's hope for a snow day. As it turned out, there was no snow day-actually not even close. There weren't that much snow to begin with as it was mostly flurries.
As I was walking up from dinner today, everywhere started to ice up. The little snow left on the hill started to freeze and it became rather slippery already. The worst scenario would be everywhere gets so slippery that they have to delay classes, in which case....more sleep in the morning! But I highly doubt it so it's ok.
BUT THERE'S AN EXCITING NEWS. A friend of my who goes to UPenn should be visiting sometime next week. I am super pumped :D
So yea, other than blogging, I'm just listening to orchestral version of video game musics like Time's Scar from Chrono Scar and Theme of Laura from Silent Hill 2. Before these was a playlist from 8tracks. Here it is.
Alright, I have a 9am class tomorrow and I should probably head off. And also to leave my friend alone so she can study (well, not that I'm really bothering her..I hope) Anyways, g'night peeps :)
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