Wednesday, August 15, 2012

a thread of thoughts and sparks

So, I guess I've been putting this off since, well, forever. But yea, I think this time, once school starts, I will write a song. This time, not just because I want, but for A. Idk if I will bother writing lyrics, but definitely a two hand piano piece <3
Miss you :)

Monday, August 13, 2012

song of the week #11


This is YC's new song (isn't out yet but I just gotta share) called Ten in the upcoming album Southern Air. Listen with the lyrics. It's so sad and touching QQ. 

--

I found out in the fall. I've been gone 
On the road for a year
She said, 
"Honey, I've got real bad news" and 
Then there were just tears
And we would never be the same again
Since then I've often wondered 
What you might have been like
How it would have felt to hold you, 
Would you have my eyes?
Don't you think we would've been best friends? 

You would be ten and I'd be 
Driving you to school
You would tell all your friends
That you thought I was cool
And you would have
All the love in my heart
Yeah, you would have
All the love in my heart

We were twenty-two years young then
Breaking rules all around
We were 
Moving in that first apartment
It felt like it was never gonna end 
Both so lost and crazy 
We were young so we ran
Now I live in a dream where I am 
Holding your little hands
I never got to meet you, my best friend

You would be ten and I'd be 
Driving you to school
You would tell all your friends
That you thought I was cool
You would be out in the sun 
Until it was gone
You would be watching Star Wars
With your PJ's on
And you would have
All the love in my heart
Yeah, you would have
All the love in my heart

Don't you think we would have been best friends?

You would be ten and I'd be 
Driving you to school
You would tell all your friends
That you thought I was cool
You would be out in the sun 
Until it was gone
You would be watching Star Wars
With your PJ's on
You would be playing tunes on
On your first guitar
You would be harmony to
Every single part of me
And you have
All the love in my heart
Yeah, you would have
All the love in my heart

Sunday, August 12, 2012

dreams are just great, aren't they

Honestly, what am I gonna do with my dreams. Well, at least I think I know why I slept well last night.

So I dreamed about A visiting us, and by us I don't know who's actually there, but there were others, my friends, there also when she visited. Anyways, she visited us when we're under this bridge-structure thingy. I believe this bridge-like thing has appeared in my dreams before. Well, she processed to hug people, like usual. You can see how much she missed a few particular people.

It wasn't long until she came to me. The length felt more like a cuddle, and I did miss her cause she's been gone for so long. I gave her a squeeze or two. The way we hugged, however, was slightly odd because our cheeks were touching, and so were the corners of our mouths. Doesn't make sense I know, but whatever. When it felt like it was about a reasonably-length'ed hug, she said to me, "you know you can kiss me if you want." And then we did. We moved the corners of our mouths toward each other and we kissed. It was like a hesitated and slow kiss from both sides, and it lasted about ten seconds. And then she let go.
I'm kinda hating myself atm. =/


Saturday, August 11, 2012

what sorts of influence?

We usually have the TV on during dinner time, even though we don't have any legit movie channel subscriptions. We manage to find something to watch. Usually it's either the usual shows: White Collar on Tues, Royal Pains on Wed, Burn Notice on Thurs. Other days we watch random movies. 

Today, for some reason, my brother decided to watch Big Bang Theory. I wasn't actually paying attention but when I realized that it was on TV-that we're watching it-all of a sudden this sense of disgust just came over me and I just grabbed my earphones and dropped by a a random YouTube video and watched that instead. Now don't get me wrong here, I don't actually hate the show or anything. I'm pretty sure it was because that my ex loved the show. I just simply didn't want to watch that, at all. I mean, someone changed the channel fairly soon, but it dawned on me that I was disgusted by something I don't even watch in the first place, that I randomly hated that show just because of her, and I didn't even realize until I was actually watching it. 

I mean, seriously? I thought I was better than this. 

I don't know but, maybe the show isn't all that funny to me anyway, at least from the glimpse of it today. 

*sighs* whatever. It's not like I have to watch this show or something. My shoulder's tense for some reason, so I think I'm just gonna shower and head off. Yea guess what it's only 11:12 PM. I recall that last time I actually blogged, with solid content, was like, 3 AM. 

Also, why the hell is my family always in a bad mood. Wth. 

I keep finding myself lightbulbing things to blog about, maybe a couple of times a day, but then forget everything when I decide to open blogger. I guess I need to start a "blogging list," huh? 

By the way, found a texting buddy today. T'was a good day at that. 

Oh well that's it for today, g'night peeps :) 


mhm

Yea sorry not exactly in the blogging mood today. Just gonna be on tumblr. 

Friday, August 10, 2012

the reason behind reason

This post will be mostly second person, to my friend, D. 

I read your message/letter about five hours ago, I think about the time you wrote me because my phone got the message so it rang and buzzed. I thought it was just a Facebook notification, which I normally just ignore/check later. For some reason I decided to check, and it turned out to be your message. 

Five hours ago was about 9pm ish. I was on my way to a friend's LAN party. I had a good time, if you're wondering. It is 2:00 AM now, and although I'm pretty tired, I feel I should still write you something, or else it doesn't feel right (and I'd feel like a terrible friend). I'll try to keep it short and continue anything else tomorrow x)

First of all, don't worry about the letters, I'll send you my address for the next semester the moment I go back to school. Actually, thanks for holding them off :) 

I'm sorry to hear about all the stress that's looming over your life right now. I agree, changes are scary. I might as well be in your shoe when I was starting college, but I think all the moving and people changing got me used to the idea of "changes" and, you know, I guess anything else just became buffered and damped; that I'm not all that afraid of changes anymore because there's always change and there's nothing I can do about it. 

I think what you gotta do is to figure out what you want. You said your friend is afraid of leaving everything behind. Does she want to? If not, she can definitely leave ways to keep in touch with people whom she wants to keep in her life. 

Growing apart is perhaps one of my worst fears; to grow apart from someone you used to know (ok, not intended), love, and cherish, only to realize that all of a sudden they're strangers to you, that somehow you don't share something anymore. Then you began to wonder whether it was you who changed, or was it them? Yea, you can keep in touch with them, but proximity doesn't prevent two people from growing apart either. It might be harder for two people who still see and hang out with each other to grow apart than two with distance, but the opposite is just as common. I don't think there's a way to prevent growing apart. Everything (and I mean everything) tests your friendship with someone, whether the two will stay and push it through the rough spots or somehow shatter into hatred or indifference. If your friendship is strong, then there's little to worry about. I mean, who knows? Things can also unexpectedly strengthen or even create a (stronger) bond that you thought you never had (I'll always be grateful...for the people I met, and the bonds that I've strengthened, somehow) 

I guess you got a lonely house near the beach...well, it won't be much longer. Plus, solitude gives you time and peace to yourself for thoughts. It's usually healthy. Think positive :) I don't know, but personally I think I unconsciously place people and friends' decisions off into the...abyss, if you will. What I mean by that is that I assume and normalize people's rejection. Yea I know it sounds kinda pessimistic, and maybe it is. But the thing is it makes every little positive gesture a pleasant surprise. 

I totally agree with you being excited of moving out and just have a life of your own (well, sort of). I guess I was lucky to have roomed with two good friends back in high school when I first moved out to college. In a sense, nothing had changed with them two as roommates. Change? I don't know if I had prevented some change then, nor was it intentional. Either case, I don't think it would have made much difference. I think my adaptability got trained a bit too well over the years...zzz I just...went with the flow when I couldn't do much. Don't worry too much; worrying never gets anywhere :) 

No I have not seen The Black Dahlia, nor read The End of Mr. Y. I can look up the movie and see if I can watch it sometime. 

Alright it's 2:40 AM and I should be heading off. Thanks for the message, I was starting to miss you :)

-l.h- 

P.S. If you can, sleep earlier, D. It's better for you :)

P.P.S. Ohohohoh, check out this :) *huggg*

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

changes

Like usually, I had to bring my brother to his ultimate practice today around 5:30 ish. I decided to stay and read/study because I was told that his game would be shorter than usual (it wasn't but it's no big deal--I just had to wait extra half an hour in the dark and had to use the nature for a number one...zz). At first I was at Starbucks, like usual, and then around 7:30 I decided to go to my river spot. As I hit the street, along the river, I remembered how the entire street and sidewalk was remade, along with the riverbank area and such. The river looks only about a foot or two deep. As I approached the spot, I noticed there were fences around the area. And, no doubt, my spot is no longer there :( :( It is now all dug up and fenced up for who-knows-what. I mean, it's kinda sad how they got rid of it, but at the same time it carries some bad memories. I mean, it's meant for me to let go and all, so it's fine, I guess. 

I originally only wanted to talk about how my river spot got dug up and kinda disappeared, but it reminded me of some thoughts I had earlier this/last week. I forget what topic led to this idea, but I thought of how everything might have been different if I hadn't come to the states; what if I stayed in Taiwan and studied there? Would I be studying the same thing? Would I have met similar people? I mean, the language aspect would obviously be different, even though I learned English so that I could study in the states. How would this have changed anyone I've met? Would it?  I guess I will never know. 

What I know, though? That I will get a puppy in the future. Most likely a corgi. Omg they are so cute :3 

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

song of the week #10

Ah terribly sorry. I was extremely busy yesterday and just totally forgot about my blog >< Here's this week's belated song, True to Your Heart by 98 degrees feat. Stevie Wonder. I hope you know where this song is from!