what is awakening

A few things.

1) I'm done with my junior fall semester.
2) I'm home.
3) I'm supposed to be happy about this, but I'm not as happy as I thought I'd be. Reasons being:
4) I miss my friends
5) The news today about the elementary school shooting in Newton, CT.

#1 is just yay, and I can get into #2-4 any day. But I want to talk a little about #5.

This was my morning: I woke up, struggled to get out of bed but got up around 10:30. Dressed, washed up, surfed the web for 10 mins, studied for history until lunch. Lunch, exam at 1:30. Probably bombed that terribly, but at that point I didn't care as much as I should anymore because I was done with everything and ready to go home! I checked my phone, and the news...awakened me yet with another piece of reality.

Instantly my heart just sank. I watched a news report video. They had footage of parents....learning about what happened to their kid, to their precious, irreplaceable flesh and blood. They uncontrollably threw their hands towards their faces, covered up the streaming tears, saying, over and over again, "no it's not my son/daughter. No it's not true."

Another picture showed a girl on the phone but crying hysterically. Her mouth tells that she was not forming words as she tried to talk on the phone, maybe telling her mom, or dad, that her brother or sister is....not here anymore.

That really really broke my heart. Seeing that photo, watching that video, I literally just teared up. All of a sudden, I wasn't thinking about my finals being over; or the end of my semester; or the fact that I was going home in a few hours; or the fact that I was exhausted from my hell week. At that point, the only thing I wanted to do wasn't go back and pack, get food, shower, or go home. I wanted to fly to CT and offer comfort to anyone who needs it. I wanted to be there, as a stranger, and acknowledge that pain because that sick soul definitely did not.

Are we here to ask why the shooter did such an inhumane action? Is this an awakening? Why do we need people to die to wake up? Why do we need to experience horror before we realize we need change?

The shooter shot his mother first.

He. Shot. His. Mother. First.

Let that sink in for a second.

Yes, we can scold, blame, verbally abuse him for doing...what he did. Yes, we can call him this sick, selfish fuck who didn't value life. I really really want him to be alive right now so he can see just how much pain he had caused.

I can't even imagine if that were to happen to me. If my family, or my SO, child, or even my friend, was involved in a shooting. I would want it to be me, and not them. If there's any possible way that I can prevent such a thing from happening to anyone I love, or even just anyone, I'd do it.

Do we even want an explanation from him? Do we need any? I don't, because there is simply nothing in this universe that can justify what he had done. Nothing.

Something made him this way. Even if gun control was much more strict, there's no guarantee he wouldn't get guns. He was definitely more screwed up in his mind than anything, if not anyone. Maybe he had only met selfish people in his life; maybe he was bullied, tortured, assaulted, beaten, laughed at, and condescended. Could you see how maybe-just how maybe-he could have done this? Perhaps, but no amount of hatred, disgust, or ego can justify killing. Ever.

What if he had experienced the good and better things in life? What if he had loving parents, understanding friends, respecting colleagues, and knew many kind souls? I dare to say that if these were true, he would not have gone down the path that took the lives of the innocent.

What am I saying?

Be nice, loving, and understanding to people. You never EVER know how much power you have, and you will never know what your tiniest gesture could do. Offer small gestures of kindness. Be thoughtful and respect others. Don't wait until someone else, or the government, to step up. Start with yourself.

Rest in peace. I pray that you all rest in peace. Prayers go out to the parents, relatives, and the heartbroken.

Rant over.