some conflict?

What do you do when you're tired but still awake at 1:30am on a Friday school night? You order wings. 


Well, I got hungry and it's a Friday night, after an exam; after a movie (Remi is absolutely adorable!). Totally justified. 


Oh yea, on another note.


So I was just chatting with a friend, and certain topics came up, and I said what I meant, that I don't really (wanna) try anymore. I guess I am kinda not trying, but you know, it's like saying "I don't care" in various situations. 


I guess by not trying I meant I don't go look for something good and fill it up with expectations. It almost means that I am not hoping for the better, because that's expectation. I guess it sounds more pessimistic than I anticipated...(heh, I was just just saying otherwise, weren't I?) But I swear, I'm not that pessimistic...


Honestly, as these thoughts battle it out in my head, there's still this frustration, almost regret, in me that I still don't know people on my floor very well. I've told myself that I will do that, but I still don't, haven't, and don't know how. 


And yes, this, precisely this, sounds like I'm trying again. 


Sooooo much paradox. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. 


I don't know, man. I guess I'm trying different things and I shouldn't set everything related to "trying" into one category. 


And also, it happened again today when I try to reconnect (just talk, really) to some old friends, and they turned out to be walls after walls. 


Trying, eh? Great stuff. 


Idk, it is honestly not a good feeling your "friends" are "friends." 


Well now that wings were munched and stomach's filled, I should be heading off soon. It's almost 2:30am. Haven't slept this late in a month or so. 


Oyasumi, world.