let's go where we belong

I've been here a while
Staring at this screen wondering what I'll write
Things I can't explain
But should've tried to say when I had the time

You were inspiration
When no one else believed
You showed me strength in my skin
That no one else could see

Let's just keep driving on
All the stars jumping in through the windows
Let's go where we belong
Headed fast as we can for the unknown

I remember how
Like a telescope you could always find
(You could always find)
Something worth a wish
You said every day's a gift and we'll be alright
(We'll be alright)

And something took you from me
I can't understand why
But wherever you're resting
(I'm carrying)
I'm carrying your line

Let's just keep driving on
All the stars jumping in through the windows
Let's go where we belong
Headed fast as we can for the unknown

You can stay there
And it's not fair
Those were the days when we laughed all the while
When the fireflies
Lit up our skies
Those were the nights when the world made us smile

My only hope
You're my telescope
My only hope
You're my telescope
My only hope
You're my telescope
My only hope
You're my telescope

(Let's just keep driving on)
(Let's go where we belong)

Let's just keep driving on
All the stars jumping in through the windows
Let's go where we belong
Headed fast as we can for the unknown

You can stay there
And it's not fair
Those were the days when we laughed all the while
When the fireflies
Lit up our skies
Those were the nights when the world made us smile

My only hope
You're my telescope
(My only hope
You're my telescope)
My only hope
You're my telescope
(My only hope)

My only hope
You're my telescope

waves and shipwrecks

An old man once said this about losing loved ones.

"
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gorged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see. As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
"

a bit of this, a lot of that

I know, D. Sometimes we just want to feel close to someone. Sometimes, I just want to feel close to someone. I've lost that dear treasure. I didn't even take it for granted and it still slipped away and I don't know what to do. I'm scared, I'm so scared. I don't know when I will feel that again. I really don't. Do you feel that pain? 

Sadness you need to get the hell out of my heart, I really don't have time for you. I...guess this means that my jar can't hold you much longer, sadness. There are too many cracks and you just keeps going at it. 

Who's gonna clean up the mess? I know I can't. 

the feels

Went to sleep a bit too late last night. My biochem notes and hw took way too long than expected, even though I did managed to finished everything I wanted to finish by today. I ended up going to sleep at 3 am. On a Friday night. NOT because of partying or just chilling but because of work. My life...

Anyways, woke up today around 10:34 ish, checked my phone and realized that my alarm won't go off for another half an hour or so so I decided to stay in bed and just surf Reddit until it's time to get up.

I mean, what I usually do on Reddit is just look over the main page and see what is interesting there. I was doing that for a little bit before something hit me.

Have you ever just, like, wanted to feel? By that I mean you just want to feel the emotions of life. All of it. Place yourself in someone else's shoe, and feel what it feels like to feel.

So that hit me, and since I was beyond comfy snuggled in my bed with pillows and cushions everywhere, I decided to research "hug" on Reddit  I came upon this post titled "What has been the most heartbreaking thing you've personally witnessed?"

Boy, was that a good post to stumble on. Especially this story by maelefic:

Shit, ok here shows my age, but as the cool kids say, whatever.
Back in about 1992, I was walking to a friend's place, when with no tyre scream, there's a horrific car crash. I ran over to see a car had t-barred another at a roundabout. (Canberra is full of them).
Seeing as it was about 1 am, and at the time this being nothing more than a sleepy hollow, a few people came out to investigate. At this point, my St. Johns training kicked in and I told someone to go call an ambulance.
The situation is thus: the driver who rammed the other car smells like a brewery, and is dead. He's also the driver who caused the accident by pushing through the roundabout.
I get to the other car, and there's a girl, she's pretty messed up. The steering column has puncher her in the chest, there's blood everywhere, there are no crumple zones so her own car is smooshed against her.
I tell her that I know first aid, and that I'm not trying to grope her as a joke - trying to figure out the extent of her injuries  But I can feel all her ribs on her left side fucked up, and even at the lightest tough, she's hurting.
So I start talking to her, saying everything's alright, well it's not, but the ambulance is coming, and start making shitty jokes at her to keep her awake.
Then I hear the ambulance in the distance, and tell her she's gonna be alright.
She looks me in the eye, and says, "Why didn't I meet you earlier?" and dies.

Turns out, thirty seconds can be an enternity.

This story hit me so hard. I just hugged the shit outta my pillow. I just stayed in my bed and my thought lingered on this for at least like 10 minutes before my alarm snapped me out of my limbo.

The feels, man.

21

This is the year that many people are waiting for. The real year that declares that you are an adult. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is turning 21.

But yea I'm not really a drinker to begin with so I feel like it's just another birthday! Plus the expectations of other people for me to get hammered xD Yeaa probably not really gonna happen. I might drink a little, but I just kinda don't like to drink. *shrug*

Oh well, today was just as busy as any other day.

BUT. I do have a story and a half to tell.

So during my tutor shift last Sunday, someone came to me for tutor an hour into my shift. The training session did say that it was peer to peer, and I knew that, but for some reason it just didn't click then so I was little surprised about having the same tutee returning to me whenever they need help, etc. Anyways, So I helped her with organic 2 and the lab, and I gave her my shifts, and the session lasted for two hours.

Now yesterday (Tuesday), I came in for my shift, signed in, grabbed my name card, sat down, and saw her coming in. To be honest I was a bit excited to see her again, 'cause she was an awesome tutee (not to mention she's kinda cute :3) She has an organic exam Thursday so she wanted to come in for more questions. As we went over stuff, she told me that she came in early that day to find someone to tutor her organic, and the tutor who tried to help her did not get too far / was confusing. She said my way of explaining things just clicks with her. She also added that after our Sunday session she went home and did more problems and were able to do all of them without much trouble.

Honestly, this is like, the best birthday present ever. I'm not even kidding. It's the best feeling to know that your explanation and information are taken and absorbed; that it was put to good use, and it helped someone and they're happy.

Best. Feeling. Ever.

I love my job.

AND my other birthday present was the unexpected mini party my friends threw me after I came back to the room from studying. This is the awesome cake they bought:

Ice cream cakes are awesome! :D 

I think that's it for this post. It's almost 1:30 am and I have an appointment with the research department tomorrow at 10 am so I need some sleep x) Adv. organic exam FRIDAYYYYY AHHHH. AND biochem exam Monday. Really stressed out about this, but at least I'm looking forward to my LRC shift tomorrow ;) 

G'night guys! 

another food post

My lunch:

And my dinner:

They had turkey pot pie! Delicious :D 

more food post

Let's see what I managed to remember to photograph: 

Sunday Lunch:

Sunday Dinner: 

And my savior Zach reminded me to photograph my then dinner yesterday!

Notice there are some repeating dishes already x) 

song of the week #17

Gah, I've been forgetting a lot of stuff recently. Here's the belated song of the week zz

Kinda fits my situation right now cause I could use more sleep xD Hope you are having a good start of the day :)